Well, you’ve probably already figured out I’m pregnant. Either
from my last blog post or from the ultrasound video my husband posted from our
last ultrasound. I have to say that ultrasound is what jump kicked my
excitement about this pregnancy.
Now don’t get me wrong I was trying, but on August 2nd,
my husband lost his job. I had just come
to the conclusion that we would wait trying until he gets himself settled.
Well, life had different plans. On August 9th I found out I was
pregnant. Not only was this baby #2 which scares the crap out of me but my
husband has no job as of now. Begin mini freak out now.
Once the news started spreading that I was pregnant I would
either get one of two things: #1 “I hope
it’s a girl.” (Yes I hope so too, it would please many many people.) And #2
“Aren’t you excited?” I’ve been kinda faking my excitement. Ok, let me explain
myself. First babies are magical. You are naïve. But now, I know better. I am
super excited to meet my new little one but I dread waking up in the middle of
the night. I dread the diaper explosions. I know better now what’s to come AND
to top it all off, I have another one I have to care for as well. I know, I know it all works out. You make it
through. But I know it’ll be
tough…tougher I think this time around.
And this pregnancy has already been tougher on me. I like to
think it’s different because it’s a girl. BUT what my reasonable mind tells me
it’s because I’m haggard. Ok, that’s a bit harsh. I’m older. I’m wiser. My body
is more used this time around then when I had Desmond. And if it wasn’t already
apparent to me that I am 30 and pregnant, I have this on my ultrasounds to
remind me:
Why do I need to see
I’m 30y8mo on my ultrasound? Much more appealing to see 11w2d, no? I just
wasn’t prepared to see that I’m on the back half of 30. I know, I’m being
melodramatic but it one of the few things that bug me is getting older and not
feeling older.
Anyways, when I had the 11 week ultrasound it really got me
excited. It looked like a baby. He/she
was a crazy mover. I was able to focus on looking forward to feeling the baby
in a few weeks. I was able to let go some of the stress I have held onto.
As for body image issues, they are awful this time around. I’m
even more stressed out about my body this time. I gained 55 pounds with Desmond
and loved every minute of it. I wouldn’t hear of being called fat. I was
pregnant, damn it. This time, I look
fat. Do I look fat? I’m fat. That’s what goes through my head now. So to help,
it’s my personal goal to not break the 35 pound mark. (Wish me luck, I do love
to eat.)
Anyways, I’m pregnant with #2. And I’m excited and a bit
scared. But it’s definitely going to be a fun journey. (And for those waiting
to know…sometime early December will be when I find out the sex.)
