Don’t be such a Pessimist

Well I’ve gone and done it. I’ve gone and started the process of becoming a roller derby chick; You are reading the blog of a Skater Tot. How awesome is that? Last Thursday my friend Julie and I drove all the way out to Rockford (about an hour and fifteen minutes from where I live) to meet Killswitch, the recruiter of the Rockford Rage. First thing I’m told as I enter the rink, “You’ve got the perfect roller derby ass.” Sweet! First time I’m thankful for having such a big ass.

This was the first time that Julie and I skated in years; I fell twice. The first one being the more embarrassing of the two because it happened just as Killswitch skated up to tell me how much I improved over the past half hour. Nice way to show my improvement right? Plus I have a jacked-up looking knee with scabs and bruises. My next fall was much later into the evening when Julie skated up to me to talk. I feel backwards this time and landed on the side of my butt and hip. No bruises for this one but it definitely left me sore. I guess the moral of the story for me is…don’t attempt talking while on speed skates. Below is a close-up of my knee.

So, I’m guessing you’re figuring that despite my falls that I had a good time and I’m looking forward to more, so why is this blog entitled “Don’t be such a Pessimist”? I have this annoying habit of looking too far into future and determining whether something will or will not work out without giving it an honest go. Right now, all that is required of me is to show up to practice once a week and work on the long list of required minimum skills in order to practice with the ladies of the Rockford Rage. That alone has me doubting my ability to commit to this. Getting to Rockford by 6:30 means leaving by 5:15 to get there on time and that’s way too early to even think about my husband being home in time, which means I have to pay a babysitter, I have to pay for the gas, I have to pay for admittance into the roller rink and for the skate rentals and that’s only once a week. What happens when it’s twice a week? I’m already feeling bad for leaving my son behind and on top of that I feel like my bills could easily swallow me whole and now I’m committing to something I really want to do but will definitely put a dent in my pocketbook.

All I need is that one small sliver of doubt and suddenly I find several reasons not to peruse an adventure. I look at the required minimum skills and decide that I’ll never get there based on how unsteady I am I skates right now. I don’t look at it as spending a little each week; I think of the sum total and decide it’s too much. My brain thinks not only can I not afford it but I want more kids one day, therefore abort this mission now! It’s like I have to decide today if I want to bout or have a family? That is the extreme measures my mind works. I have the hardest time seeing a way I can do both. I don’t know what practices will be like when I finally make it to the point of practicing with the veterans. I don’t know when I’ll want to start trying for another kid. I don’t need all the money right now but I just start to “rationalize” and give up before seeing anything through. I’ve done it to myself for school and I’m doing it again now for skating.

So, my new mantra is…”One week at a time.” I know right now, this Thursday I have a babysitter, I can afford it and I want to go. So I will. If I get to a point I can’t afford it, I can’t find a babysitter or I want to expand my family then I‘ll stop when the times comes. Very simple mantra but sometimes I need the reminder to think this way. This is something I’m excited about and I know I’ll be upset if I let me talk myself out of it without giving it an honest try.