Getting the Backhand

According to Wikipedia:

A backhanded compliment, also known as a left handed compliment, or asteism is an insult that is disguised as a compliment. Sometimes, a backhanded compliment may be inadvertent. However, the term usually connotes an intent to belittle or condescend.

A backhanded compliment may fool the listener, but the compliment remains "backhanded" because the speaker is being intentionally slighting and insulting. In some cultures, backhanded compliments are considered a genteel or polite way of expressing disdain.

Examples of backhanded compliments include:

"That dress is lovely; it does wonders for your figure."
"You're smarter than you look."
"You drive very well, for a woman."
"Your son is more handsome than I would have expected."

In each instance, there is an initial compliment: praising a piece of clothing, a person's intellect, a person's driving ability, or a person's looks. However, each instance also includes an implied criticism: the person's figure desperately needs improvement; the person appears unintelligent on the surface; women don't drive well, and therefore any skill at driving is noteworthy; the son's parents are unattractive.

I’m no stranger to the backhanded compliment. All of my examples are weight based. I’m sure if I thought long and hard enough I would find more that aren’t, but I suppose it’s the backhanded compliments that hit a sore spot that actually stick out and are easily remembered. Plus it’s the most recent one I received so it’s fresher in my mind. So let’s dive right into my pain. (I’m joking; I have thick skin after all.)

At one our after parties for the Rockford Rage, I was approached by a gentlemen who wanted to give me a “compliment.” I wish I could remember his exact words because my jaw dropped when he said it. The gist of what he wanted to say was I have a lot of energy and he liked it. What came out was that he was so surprised that someone my size would be dancing so much after having just bouted for an hour. He tied in my weight to the compliment. Like someone my size should be lethargic, tired, half-assing it on the dance floor; like I’m some type of miracle worker that I can still walk after having skated for an hour. Seriously?

While I’m on the topic, I remember a time when a man approached me and said “I like my ladies kind of chunky.” Chunky! Really, you want to open up with chunky!?! And another I have received “You’re pretty for a big girl.” Let me give you guys a tip. Whether you’re a chubby chaser or not, I can guarantee a woman does not want to know that you find her attractive despite her size. In fact, you want to hear the best compliment I did get? It was simple and made my night. (Granted it was from an older drunk man who I found kinda repulsive, it was still nice.) He said “You are stunning.” Nothing quite trumps a stunning gentleman. Never be in doubt boys, leave weight out of it.

A friend of mine *cough Ernie cough* is a backhand complimenter by nature. I swear almost everything she says can be twisted into a backhanded compliment. It’s to a point now that I don’t read into the implied because she’s usually not implying. My favorite instance was a photo I found of another roller derby team that was just starting up. One of the girls kinda resembled me and wore a similar outfit that I did. When I asked her if she thought I looked like that, she said “You don’t look that bad.” LOL, meaning I look bad just not as bad as this chick.

I’m not immune to using a backhanded compliment, I don’t think I’ve ever used one intentionally though. It’s usually those slips of the tongue ones, that as soon as I hear it, I’m already correcting myself by saying “What I meant was.” I hate those moments because even if you don’t mean it in that way you can’t help but feel like they think you think that way. Did that make sense? Anywho, the moral of this story…well, there isn’t one. The end.