For Her Eyes Only

Seriously boys, if there are boys reading, you can stop right here. This is for her eyes only. Ok, still with me then? Enjoy, if at all possible.

Hello Lady Friends! It’s that time of the month for me, and I know you know what I mean. This particular period has been a doozy. To fully explain how it’s a doozy, I must explain what is normal for me. A typical period (for the past many years) is a light flow ranging from 3-5 days. I’m cramp free and it’s never really much of a hassle. Well, my last period was almost too light. It was two days long and so light that changing my pad wasn’t really required but I did it anyways. In fact, it was so light I took a pregnancy test because it was almost non-existent. Well, if I ever get such a light period again, I will interpret that as a flash flood warning. I’m not kidding. My current period, (are you picturing me now? typing this blog wearing only feminine products, no? Oops, sorry!) , is over runth. For those of you who have had children, it’s like that bleeding you have right after you give birth. Every minute muscle movement in my lower regions releases a bit more evil. Each time I sit down there’s a squish. It was so bad that my pad couldn’t even soak it up fast enough to prevent it from leaking down between my butt checks and staining my underwear and pants. That NEVER happens to me! It’s like an early high school period, which I don’t miss. Well, for those of you, who might be concerned by the sudden change, don’t fret. Today, it’s much more normal. Perhaps my vagina just was in a rush to throw-up everything at once. Ok, still with me?

And here’s one last observation regarding Aunt Flow…and this is directed to mothers. After giving birth, did any of you notice a difference in the gravitational direction of your leakage? Ok, here’s what I mean. Before birth, I was always worried about leaking in the back. Now, after birth the concern is leaking from the front. (This confuses me because that’s defying gravity.) I kid you not, it’s like it creeps forward now. And what’s really disgusting, because of our anatomy, there are deeper crevices to hide. Need I explain more how that can get disgusting? I know from at least one friend that this isn’t just a Michelle phenomenon. (Last nights dinner conversation with my girlfriends was pretty interesting.) Out of the three of us, only one person said this wasn’t an issue. One of the differences between our child birth experiences were that she was the only one that didn’t rip or get cut and had to get stitches. So I’m thinking, did my stitches somehow affect my flow? It sure seems that way.

Happy New Years Ladies! (And Gents if you are still here.)