Ode to the Bathroom

It’s a running joke in my family that if I’m drinking and go disappearing, go check the bathroom tub. At a family gathering, a long while ago I’ll add, I got drunk. Really drunk. I’m not a sipper. So I find that I go sober to drunk in no time flat; this party was no exception. But this time, I got sick, and to make matters worse, I found the comfort of my parents tub. The only problem, they only had one bathroom and I pretty much barricaded myself in there for a very long time while a party of 30 plus people are left with no relief. So I will never let down the time I got drunk and sick in my parents one bathroom house. I swear, a family function doesn’t pass without some reference to it.

But that’s just a small introduction to my real reason for blogging. Why was I in the tub? For as long as I can remember I have always gone to the shower when I don’t feel well. Got a headache? Take a shower. Got a stomach ache? Take a shower. Backache? Take a shower. You get the picture. Any ailment, I get into tub. For that moment I’m in the shower I feel so much better.

I know the healing power isn’t restricted to the shower, oh no. My proximity to the toilet is also a sweet spot when I’m not feeling well. One minute I’m lying in bed and start feeling like if I don’t get to the toilet right now, my dinner will be on the floor. So I run to the bathroom, and there sits the white porcelain god softly chanting “it’s alright, your fine, no puking required.” And 99% of the time, the toilet is right; just being near the toilet stops my gag reflex. So all that is required of me is to be near my toilet when I’m not feeling well. You know what I mean folks? (This phenomenon also occurs at the doctor’s office. One minute you feel on your death bed and go in. Next minute the doctor is checking you out and you feel 100% better, what is that?)

And what about the other power of the toilet…you know…the one that helps you puke when you know it’ll make you feel better. Regardless if it’s sparkling clean, a long deep whiff of the inside of your toilet never ceases to stop helping when I need that extra edge to purge. (I’m not the only person to use this right?)

What makes you feel better?