But I Don't Feel Old

(Mom and me)

I went on holiday with my mom this past weekend. (I feel very European saying holiday just so you know.) And my mom said something that really resonated with me. She said, “I don’t feel 60.” And I know exactly what she means but in the thirty year old version. Despite evidence that I am aging, I don’t feel aged. I still feel like the little sister in my family. I feel like I’m old enough to have a kid but young enough to be really cool to them. (That’ll fade fast I’m sure.) I sometimes look at my clothing choices now and think “should I be wearing this trend?” I’m telling you that 30 feels different and it’s awkward. You’re not in your teens and can be carefree. You can be irresponsible and you’re expected to make lots of mistakes. And you’re not 20 where you’re expected to be a little wild, enjoying your new freedom from home. But your 30…and to me it’s a weird mix between feeling like I’m 20 but not looking like it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m haggard or anything but I’ve noticed some changes. And each year my definition of “older” is moved up. When I was 20, 30 was old. Now I’m 30 and 40 is the new age I consider distinguished and so on and so on. It’s consistently evolving based on where I am in my stage of life. But despite my youthful approach to living my life, there are a few reminders that make me feel the progress of time….

Things That Make me Feel Old

1.  Finding another grey hair. Finding one could be a fluke, but finding another is confirmation.

2. I once had a dream of being in the army. I believe enlistment is cutoff at 35. Which means one  dream of mine officially dies in 5 years time.

3. I have a permanent crease line on my neck.

4. I’m getting closer to that 35 year mark where pregnancies fall into “higher risk.”

5. When I do jumping jacks I have to squeeze my kegel muscles due to fear of peeing my pants.

6. Each year it appears my pubic region expands. (And I sing to myself while grooming "welcome to the jungle!")

I’m happy to be aging though. (No really, I am.)  There are so many more things to come that I’m looking forward to. Most of which involve Desmond and watching him tackle life.  And the other stuff involve things that I still want to do with my own life and with my husband. So, my motto “you’re only as old as you feel.” And right now, I’m only pushing 25. 

 What makes you feel old? Young?