Shell's Shameful Secrets Part Deux

Welcome back to Shell’s Shameful Secrets! This one is gonna be scandalous…ok, that might be an exaggeration but it’s making me blush and I haven’t even begun writing my shameful secrets yet. I hope you get a laugh out of these.

#1) The Prairie Dog – According to the Urban Dictionary the definition is:
When you have to shit so bad that your terd goes in and out of your ass. Like a prairie dog would in his hole. Side effect: "skid marks" which is the evidence of the PD stain left on the person’s underwear.

Don’t deny it, everyone poops therefore everyone has most likely have done the prairie dog. That’s really not the shameful part. The shameful part for me is the skid mark. I had a lot of underwear with skid marks. I think the fact I am one of those people who can’t poop comfortably in public, led me to have a higher chance of developing a skid mark in my underroos due to having the prairie dog nag me until I get home. Well, when I discovered how unsightly my underwear selection had become and decided I would die of embarrassment if someone ever had to pack an emergency bag for me. I threw them all out and got some new underwear. So the shameful part is over, but I’m sure it’ll just develop again. I really need to learn how to relax those anal muscles in public. Yup, I just went there. How many of you clenched and released? LOL.

#2) Flat Nipples – I have flat nipples. A lovely gene handed down to me from my mother. Having flat nipples is not shameful. It’s just what’s natural for me. What I’m ashamed about is that I didn’t realize that my nipples were the unusual ones amongst woman. I remember for the longest time and I mean a long time, into my twenties where I would watch a movie with a love scene with women’s breast showing and they would have these long pointy bottle like nipples. I would almost get embarrassed for her. Like doesn’t she know she has weird looking nipples? Why would she want her breasts to show in this movie? And what’s worse is that I have taken a ton of health classes and somehow I never picked up on the fact that I was the usual one. It’s outlandish to me that I never realized the truth until I was much too old. But I’m also kind of thankful because I was already nervous the first time I decided to be topless in front of Michael because well, it was a first time and its nerve wrecking. Had I known then that what he’d be seeing wasn’t the normal my shirt would have definitely stayed put for longer. So I bet he’s glad of my ignorance.

That’s it. Did you smile? Got anything shameful to share? I’m sure I’ve got more but that’s what I had cooking on my brain. Till next time…