Shell's Shameful Secrets Part Deux

Welcome back to Shell’s Shameful Secrets! This one is gonna be scandalous…ok, that might be an exaggeration but it’s making me blush and I haven’t even begun writing my shameful secrets yet. I hope you get a laugh out of these.

#1) The Prairie Dog – According to the Urban Dictionary the definition is:
When you have to shit so bad that your terd goes in and out of your ass. Like a prairie dog would in his hole. Side effect: "skid marks" which is the evidence of the PD stain left on the person’s underwear.

Don’t deny it, everyone poops therefore everyone has most likely have done the prairie dog. That’s really not the shameful part. The shameful part for me is the skid mark. I had a lot of underwear with skid marks. I think the fact I am one of those people who can’t poop comfortably in public, led me to have a higher chance of developing a skid mark in my underroos due to having the prairie dog nag me until I get home. Well, when I discovered how unsightly my underwear selection had become and decided I would die of embarrassment if someone ever had to pack an emergency bag for me. I threw them all out and got some new underwear. So the shameful part is over, but I’m sure it’ll just develop again. I really need to learn how to relax those anal muscles in public. Yup, I just went there. How many of you clenched and released? LOL.

#2) Flat Nipples – I have flat nipples. A lovely gene handed down to me from my mother. Having flat nipples is not shameful. It’s just what’s natural for me. What I’m ashamed about is that I didn’t realize that my nipples were the unusual ones amongst woman. I remember for the longest time and I mean a long time, into my twenties where I would watch a movie with a love scene with women’s breast showing and they would have these long pointy bottle like nipples. I would almost get embarrassed for her. Like doesn’t she know she has weird looking nipples? Why would she want her breasts to show in this movie? And what’s worse is that I have taken a ton of health classes and somehow I never picked up on the fact that I was the usual one. It’s outlandish to me that I never realized the truth until I was much too old. But I’m also kind of thankful because I was already nervous the first time I decided to be topless in front of Michael because well, it was a first time and its nerve wrecking. Had I known then that what he’d be seeing wasn’t the normal my shirt would have definitely stayed put for longer. So I bet he’s glad of my ignorance.

That’s it. Did you smile? Got anything shameful to share? I’m sure I’ve got more but that’s what I had cooking on my brain. Till next time…

Shell’s “Shameful” Secrets (29 Days & Counting)

Some of my friends would say I have no shame. And I would agree that I’m hard to embarrass but I do believe I have some habits or tendencies that some other people might find embarrassing or shameful. So I figured, why not write them down to share. I was a little inspired by Oprah’s show last week titled “Are You Normal?” It got me thinking…I’m way normal. So why not share some of my shameful secrets. Here goes:

Shameful Secret #1: I am a complete sucker for Amanda Bynes or Hilary Duff movies. That’s right! I see What a Girl Wants or A Cinderella Story on television and you bet your ass that my household chores have just been put on hold. I think I could honestly say I watched Sydney White every other day on my maternity leave, which was 10 weeks long mind you. And unlike other movies I’m so passionate about that I want you to know why I love them, there is absolutely no good reason for these. They aren’t even good high school flicks that I adore so much. (Think Never Been Kissed and Sixteen Candles as top choices in that category.)

Shameful Secret #2: I still like to listen to NSYNC’s Celebrity album. First of all, I think their two best songs are on this album which are “Girlfriend” and “Gone.” But take those songs aside and I still would listen to every single song in it’s entirety with the exception of the one ballad. I do have some pride though; I don’t listen to Backstreet Boys. They are and always will be inferior to NSYNC!

Shameful Secret #3: Now this one is a little embarrassing. Dr. Oz said on Oprah that the average person touches their nose 5 times per hour. And I believe it. Have you ever found yourself picking your nose without thinking about? I have. What do you do with that booger that is now attached to your finger? Well in my last car I wiped them on the underside of my seat and my dear husband got to find that little pile of wonderfulness…he still teases me about it. But seriously, I want to say sometimes a Kleenex just doesn’t cut it like a finger does. I no longer wipe my hand clean on my seat…want to guess wear those boogers go now??? I flick them out the window! Now don’t misquote me, I don’t pick my nose 5 times per hour. And if I have a Kleenex I’ll always try that first but when I feel a clingy crusty, you know I’m going in to get it. Also, I should add…after I blow my nose, I look!

Shameful Secret #4: I compare all young adult shows to my alma mater; Dawson’s Creek. Though watching it now is a little boring because what was racy and controversial then is no longer shocking. Remember Pacey sleeping with his teacher? Remember when Jack came out of the closet? Big news then, not so much now. And I’d also like to credit them with giving young adults vocabulary that was out of this world. I use to think “Who talks like that?” Perhaps Diablo Cody took a few notes from Dawson’s Creek and upped their annity when she wrote the screenplay for Juno. (Yes, I know Juno is awesome, DC is not.) Anywho, I love Dawson’s Creek even though it ain’t kosher.

Shameful Secret #5: I have peed in the shower and I’m sure it will happen again. Sometimes I just don’t feel like I have to pee until I’m in the shower and all wet. So out of laziness of getting out, feeling cold and drying off, I just let it go down the drain. I know for a fact I’m not the only one who’s done this but it’s not my right to “out” anyone here. Since I’m in the realm of bathroom habits, I guess I could also add that I when I do use a toilet I actually sit on toilets. I don’t hoover. I don’t use seat covers or wrap the toilet in paper. I just stick my heiny down and use the bathroom. I ain’t afraid of no ghosts…I mean germs.

That’s it for today on “shameful” secrets. Do I have more? Heck yeah I do. But I got to leave something I can write about at another time. Wanna share any of your “shameful” secrets?

For those who are following my weight loss count down, below are my weigh ins:

9/28: 218.4
10/6: 217.0
10/13: 215.2
10/21: 214.4
10/27: 214.0

Little by little I’m getting there.