Just Call me Randy

Some people might find this topic disturbing; so if you get queasy at the idea of me having sex, if the words wet or throbbing disturbs you, if you easily get embarrassed when saying the words penis or vagina, if reading this few lines are making you blush, then let me suggest this…stop reading now!

Ok, I hope that got rid of most of my family. For some reason I’m in the mood for talking about something saucy and by saucy I mean movies that make me randy…yeah baby!

I tried googling “Sexiest Movies of All Time” in hopes to find movies to add to my short list of baby making movies, but I honestly had not seen a lot of them or I did not find them sexy. For instance, Basic Instinct was on many lists. I just recently saw this movie for the first time and I was kinda looking forward to watching and waiting for my husband to come home, but unfortunately my husband could not reap the benefits of his wife getting hot and bothered over a movie. Basic Instinct was a total fail in the sexy department. First, I did not care for any of the acting. It seriously felt like a very short step up from a porno. I know for a fact I’ve seen Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone having decent acting skills but they locked those skills up tight while making this film. Also, the nature of sexy times did not appeal to me as a woman. I suppose if I was a man, the “hardcore” sex scenes might have given me a stiffy but I’m not a man. This movie blowed!

Well, 2002 was a good year for sexy movies because my top 2 sexiest movies of all time were released that year. So let’s begin with my #2….Unfaithful.

Unfaithful (2002) - New York suburban couple's marriage goes dangerously awry when the wife indulges in an adulterous fling.

I can still clearly recall the weekend my husband and I watched this movie. Though I was HIGHLY disturbed by this movies ending it still left me with a GIANT itch that my husband had to scratch. (My vagina had a week’s recovery time, sorry for TMI.) It was well acted. The sex scenes were extremely believable. I never felt like I was waiting to hear that stereotypical music “bow chica wow wow” and though I don’t find adultery sexy, I do find the “forbidden” sexy. I read a boat load of vampire romance books. Why? Because I like the forbiddeness of the immortal vampire after the mortal human. Even the bible has the story of Adam & Eve and eating the forbidden apple. It’s a highly appealing aspect and this movie is full of it. I would recommend watching this movie with a loved one or heck with yourself; self love is totally cool. I will forewarn you that the biggest turn off of this movie is the ending, it’s not happy but you’ll still be ready for some action regardless.

And now for my #1 Sexiest Movie of all Time…Secretary.

Secretary (2002) - A young woman, recently released from a mental hospital, gets a job as a secretary to a demanding lawyer, where their employer-employee relationship turns into a sexual, sadomasochistic one.

Ok, Ok…I realize from the short synopsis above this movie does not sound sexy. In fact it sounds crazy. Heck I even realize that the actors, James Spader & Maggie Gyllenhael, aren’t even that great looking. Some of you may even be repulsed or confused by the word sadomasochistic. But none of those even come close to factoring in the sexiness that this movie has. I am, in no way shape or form, into sadomasochism and you don’t need to be to find this movie sexy or relatable. While watching I easily related to Maggie’s character throughout the film as she’s left wanting for more from James Spader. As her desire builds and builds throughout the film, I also felt my own growing desire. The most surprising thing for me was I watched it for the first time on basic television, so all nudity was cut out and things were shortened, but I was still getting incredibly turned on. Also, the movie ends on a happy note which easily places this movie in my #1 slot over Unfaithful. Though highly unconventional, this is an epic love story that is well acted, well written and might make you feel dirty while watching but at the same time makes you excited and bedroom ready.

What movie makes your apex ache or makes your pork sword salute? I’m always looking for something new. (Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always need a movie to put me in the mood.)