Dracula in Love

My review: Don’t waste your time. When I first came across Dracula in Love by Karen Essex via amazon.com book suggestion (I think), I was very excited to read a love story about Dracula from the female’s point of view. What I failed to realize was she was literally using Bram Stoker’s Dracula as background. I do not know his background. Despite feeling like I’m a vampire enthusiast, I’ve never wanted to read Dracula by Bram Stoker nor could I get into Francis Ford Coppola’s movie Dracula. (Keanu Reeves does not belong in time period pieces unless it’s directly related to Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.)

Now, this dilemma shouldn’t have been an issue. An excellent writer should have been able to tell her side of the story and make it feel like a complete story. Instead, I could literally feel moments when the author was nudging me in the ribs with her elbows saying “did you see what I did there?” No, not really. It was like reading a book drunk. I could understand but at the same time it was hazy. I could notice the moments that were significant to Bram Stoker’s Dracula but only after the fact or not why. I always felt out of the loop. Sometimes a book likes to leave you hanging for answers and that’s perfectly ok when that is how the author intended it. She wrote this story as if you were already familiar with Dracula and I suppose it’s my bad that I assumed I was. A good example of not knowing the background but having the story told right is Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ. Never once, did I feel out of the loop. I watched. I cried. I enjoyed. When I left the theater with friends who are more familiar with the religious background, they were pointing out references in the movie that I completely overlooked. But it didn’t make or break the movie. In Dracula in Love it was a deal breaker for me.

So, let’s pretend I can get over being out of the loop. Fine, I’m over it. Now, I have issues with just the plain fantasy in this story. The very reasons I love vampires (the seduction, the forbidden, the lust) just wasn’t happening in this story. Dracula doesn’t actually make an appearance until the last fourth of the book. Though he seems to be stalking her spiritually (among other things) from the start, it wasn’t as exciting without him actually being there. You weren’t sure how much was real or made-up by the character therefore didn’t fulfill the romance between the two. I felt the book really picked up in that last fourth of the book when he finally arrives but it quickly went south. I enjoyed their meeting and wanting to get acquainted with each other but it then turned into an overly long explanation on how things came to be. She introduced such a wild history of his creation that I just couldn’t believe and just didn’t care. Though she uses mythical creatures throughout the story, I would prefer they had nothing to do with Dracula. Can’t a girl just pretend he exists without having to know why?

When the story ends, it just doesn’t go where I wanted it to go. Perhaps had I watch or read the original I would not have been surprised. What is suppose to leave you with a loving story that is never-ending, just left me mad for wasting several hours on this book.

Love at First Zombie Sight

This here entry is dedicated to my Mom, Labia & Chels.

I tried telling my mom about my zombie story idea this weekend and for the most part she asked some very challenging questions, but a lot of the other times she was just ridiculous. No Mom…my character is not a zombie that falls in love with another zombie. No Mom…my zombies aren’t caused by aliens. Come on! I’ve also had long facebook discussions with my lady friends Labia and Chels whether zombies would be able to roller skate or ski if they were changed while wearing skates or skis. My conclusion was no for multiple reasons and that’s left best for another time. So I decided to use some of these “absurd” concepts above in a little writers warm up. So in essence this is a crack fic little ditty just for you…

LOVE AT FIRST ZOMBIE SIGHT

She staggered into view. I noticed her leg was awkwardly bent at her left knee and she was dragging it behind her a little. She was hunched over from carrying the weight of an ax in her back. Her clothes we torn to shreds and dirty. She smelled like road kill with a hint of pine and soil. As she approached closer to me I noticed her face. There was a large gash across her cheek that exposed her mouth and showed multiple teeth missing. She must have taken a hard blow to the face with something that was capable of crushing and tearing. She was the most stunning zombie woman I’ve come across. She must be the reason I was turned. I took the last few steps between us.

As I neared her, she stopped and sniffed. I could tell she was evaluating me from friend and foe. It’s odd how we take that measure but it seems instinct that can’t be ignored. For if I was truly foe, she go from staggering zombie into raging flesh eating crazy zombie in zero time flat. After it was determined I was harmless to her she raised one hand to my shoulder and held the other hand up as if she was waiting for a dance. I would not decline her simple request. My left hand went to her waist. I had to bend quite a bit to reach because of her hunch and the fact I was wearing roller skates. I raised my right hand to her and tried to inter-mingle our fingers. It was quite a task. When I was bitten at the roller rink my hand had been smashed and stuck in a door in my attempt to escape. Luckily for me the door was in a secluded stairwell so I was able to turn instead of being devoured. I was able to remove my hand from the door when an unexpected human came looking for supplies weeks later. Not only did he set me free but provided me my first meal.

She ended up just holding my hand in hers. It was a sensation overload. I could feel the cold of her hand. I could feel the film of our exposed muscle and the juice of pus and rotting flesh as we pressed our hands together. Had I had blood flow I would have been excited. We swayed to the collective moaning of our neighboring zombies. Had she not have had a limp or I had skates, we could have really danced. We did not have forever though to stay in our embrace. It had been days since I fed and she appeared to have been waiting longer. I pulled on her waist and skated beside her slowly out of the building. We needed to find a meal. But really it was my excuse for our first date.

(END SCENE)

I know, I know…many things wrong with this fic but I’m calling it a crack fic for a reason. Even though this is completely useless to my zombie story, it felt good just to write something. I think I need to really sit down and create an outline for the story in my head. I feel like that is the first hurdle I need to get over. And if I can get over that hurdle then maybe I’ll start writing the story. So that’s my plan; I need to dedicate some time to story idea and decide once and for all if I’m going pursue it or not.

It's a Pity Party!

I’ll warn you now, this will be a downer. I am officially claiming to be a Debbie Downer for just today. It just feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders today and I hear that sharing your concerns with the world is suppose to make you feel better. I’m following that advice and I’m just gonna bitch away…

…Money. What problems don’t start and end with money? And why is it every time there’s a windfall there’s an unexpected expense just around the corner? I swear when my honey took his new design job that the increase in pay was going to give us a feeling of relief. But in reality, we bought a new car (it was used and needed) but I didn’t take into account the expense of traveling to the city. That’s like an additional car payment a month. I also didn’t foresee having to find daycare. I didn’t foresee our trusty Hyundai breaking down two weeks before Christmas giving me stress during the holidays, and still now because we haven’t found the extra money to fix it. Now I drive my husband everyday to and from the train station. The one bonus to that is he usually comes home at a decent time but it makes him more stressed because he’s not working as much as he feels is needed. Therefore, having a stressed out husband makes a stressed out wife. And now we are facing Michael losing his job. Things are rough at the company and March 4th could be his last day. This does not come as a surprise to us. We had known for a long time this might be coming. In fact we were originally told it would be early February and for all the time we had to prepare, there were no real preparations. We have lived paycheck to paycheck for so long that there was never a time to save money. And even the times a little got saved; it got taken out for bills. And as I write this I’m thinking, why does this year seem even harder? My conclusion: I’ve gotten really strict about our credit cards this year. For the past two months, I haven’t touched them. I’m really beginning to think I didn’t realize how much I was using them last year to get gas or groceries just to make it to the next paycheck. And now that I stopped that, things are tight. We can manage if things don’t change but if they do…I might explode.

Health…I’m healthy, thankfully. But I got a really busted up knee. The doctors say it’s just a sprain and I wish you could see my face of disbelief. I suppose it’s from the fact that I’ve never really hurt myself before but it’s been 10 days since I hurt my knee and I’m still hobbling around. It’s aggravating to have to move slowly, have my husband help with my socks and shoes and miss my first opportunity to bout. (Not to forget all the practices I’m missing now too.) It’s making me depressed because I still feel like an active person but now I’m couch bound. Then to compound this state of crap, I make it worse by comfort eating. Luckily I don’t put weight on fast and the past few weeks I’m only notice a one pound gain. But if I don’t straighten out my act now, I could face a whole bigger challenge.

And back to money …I thought of another issue. What about all the plans I’ve already made or have begun that might not come to fruitation? I have an Oscar party with friends on the 27th but I can’t really justify going now when my husband could be out of a job five days later but at the same time I don’t want to disappointment my friends. I’ve always used the excuse what’s $20? That isn’t going to make or break our situation right…right? But if I keep doing that, it adds up to serious money. When do I say sorry, change of plans? That’s not me. I don’t like to disappoint and it’s something I want to do. And later this year I had plans for our tax money to pay for my husband’s trip to E3, a weekend getaway with my friend to Wizarding World of Harry Potter and a Sweitzer family vacation. All three might not happen now and I am definitely mourning them today.

Then there are things that just need to get done around my house. Not being able to bend at the knee pretty much makes for a messy house. I feel like my home is in a state of chaos. We moved in 20 months ago and never fixed the rotting wood around a few windows. We never installed our fire/carbon monoxide detector, unpacked most of our boxes, cleaned the mold in the small area in the crawl space, and fixed a few loose shingles on the roof. We have a clothes dryer that stays closed because of a chair. Our furnace should be inspected and cleaned but hasn’t. I have a monster weed garden in the back and front of my house. It’s like having the longest honey-do list ever. Why does next weekend always sound better to do something? Looking at my track record I have many months of next weekends I’ve let be neglected.

I feel like my rant could go on and on. But I’m already wary of posting this. I HATE talking like this. But since I’ve already taken the time to write it, I suppose I’ll publish it. Who knows maybe someone will feel better that they aren’t the only ones dealing with a bit of stress in their lives.

I promise to make the next one light.

Peace out,
Debbie Downer

P.S. I just wanna add…I miss my mommy!

Soul Pancake Challenge

Live life to the fullest.

Seize the day.

Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right.

Every man dies. Not every man really lives.

We grow up being told to live life to it’s fullest. But what do you do to live life to the fullest? Now, each of our definitions of living a full life is different. For me, having a family, job and a hobby is fulfilling. But I know there’s room for more. I can feel it.

Well, a few weeks ago I watched Rainn Wilson on Conan. He was promoting his new book called Soul Pancake. I could not be sure what the book was about but the few things he mentioned caught my attention and I immediately put it on hold at the library. The sucker finally came in! There are many things filled in this book and I encourage you to check it out, but the area I want to focus on are his “creative challenges” found throughout the whole book.

SO, here is my challenge…I have picked 6 of his suggestions and I encourage each of you to complete one. My goal is to complete each and every one of them. If it’s possible, I’ll document the experience. Nothing on the list should cost you any money or if it does it won’t be much. And each item is so simple you could complete them easily, but the important thing here is doing, so go out and do it!

Art at Arm’s Reach – Step 1. Scavenge around your desk, barstool, couch cushions for anything handy. And we mean anything: paper clips, poker chips, fake eyelashes, junk mail, bullet castings. Step 2. Create Art. Step 3. Bask in your artistic brillance. Repeat as desired.

Beauty in the Bland – Step 1. Pick up your camera. Step 2. Spend an entire day finding beauty hiding in the ordinary. Step 3. Create an extraordinary album.

Reverse Pickpocket – Step 1. Pull out the biggest bill in your wallet. Step 2. Stash the cash in an envelope labeled “You’ve been tagged by a Soul Pancake Reverse Pickpocket.” Step 3. Slip the loot into the bag of a stranger. If you’re feeling bold, aim for the back pocket. Step 4. Don’t get caught. It would be really awkward.

Stash-A-Secret – Step 1. Think of that one secret sitting heavy in your gut. Step 2. Write it on a scrap of paper. Step 3. Go to a bookstore and slip it into a copy of the Soul Pancake book. Step 4. Enjoy the relase of having a perfect stranger help carry your load.

Tech Detox – Take a day and completely unplug. Turn off the devices that compete for your attention. Explore the world that exists without you turning it on.

Pint Sized Protest – Step 1. Find a couple of little people. Try LEGO figures, G.I. Joes, or Barbie dolls. Step 2. Emblazon a tiny piece of paper with something you stand for. Step 3. Stage your protest in a public space. Step 4. Walk away and let the world hear your battle cry…or should we say whisper?

And here are a few bonus suggestions from the “Live a Little” section:

• Eat something that challenges your gag reflexes.
• Don’t use utensils to eat all day.
• Shower in the dark.
• Double-tip your server.
• Grab some friends and start a pillow fight in a public space.
• Go to a thrift store and buy an entire outfit. Wear it the rest of the day.
• Watch one of your parents’ favorite movies.
• Get a knife. Get a stick. Whittle something.

I also plan on completing the short list above as well and so should you. So you might be thinking “is completing these suggestions really helping me live life to the fullest?” That’s completely dependent on you. For me, these are things I might never have thought about or taken the time to do. And each one adds to my experience bank, therefore I’m that much richer. Have fun. I hope this gives you some entertaining times ahead.

Should I Stay or Should I Zombie?

Last week while I was waiting for my husband’s train to come in, I had an idea. It felt like an epiphany. It felt like it shouldn’t be ignored. It had weight. And days later, I was still thinking about it. What was it; you might be thinking…it was a very simple concept for a zombie story. Though I blog, I’ve never considered myself a writer. In fact, I would even consider my use of grammar quite elementary. (I have these blogs edited before I post to avoid looking like a bigger idiot.) But this idea is still stuck in my head. I can picture the terrain; I can picture my characters attitude towards life. I even have a name for her. But what I can’t figure out is what her purpose is or the purpose of my story. And then I’m thinking, “Well if I figure that out, am I really going to attempt writing it?”

Me, a writer? The thought has never come across my mind in the past. I love to read and can talk about books all day, but I never enjoyed English assignments though. I am guilty of reading a book and skipping over words I don’t understand. I figure if I can understand the tone, the actual meaning of the word is irrelevant. I’m even guilty of overlooking major details. So can someone as clueless as me, actually write a book?

Regardless of my intention to write this story, I have a long list of ideas on my desk that I’m constantly adding too. The brainstorming seems relentless. The flow of ideas sprouts up at the oddest times. I was even so excited about this idea that I tried conveying my enthusiasm to my husband and I felt a little brushed off by him. (Really how long would you listen to someone talk about a story they probably aren’t going to write?) But all I could think of when I told him and saw the bored look in his eyes was “he can’t see it. He would be excited if he could see it. If he could feel it.” It feels so real to me sometimes.

The problem though lies in my fear of the unknown. I’ve never attempted to write anything that isn’t my straight out opinion. I can’t imagine myself writing conversation. Could I write it in diary-style and keep it interesting? I need someone to ask me the tough questions like “where is your story headed?” “Why do we care about her?” I seriously only have a sense of the surrounding and the character ‘s backstory…but where do I take it? I feel like a new kid at school or a foreign exchange student meeting his foster family. It feels icky, unknown and strange.

So what to do? My schedule is crazy hectic with derby and my family life. ECC has some online creative writing courses. Some with basics to writing and others that show you how to write an outline and how to avoid writers block. These classes all sound fine and good but then comes the issue of money. I have a lack thereof; therefore it’s not going to happen anytime soon. I suppose I can just keep a journal of these ideas until I can afford to take a class. But just incase any of you are more versed in how to literature…got any book recommendations to help me?

A Newly Wantabe writer,

Michelle P.