It's a Pity Party!

I’ll warn you now, this will be a downer. I am officially claiming to be a Debbie Downer for just today. It just feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders today and I hear that sharing your concerns with the world is suppose to make you feel better. I’m following that advice and I’m just gonna bitch away…

…Money. What problems don’t start and end with money? And why is it every time there’s a windfall there’s an unexpected expense just around the corner? I swear when my honey took his new design job that the increase in pay was going to give us a feeling of relief. But in reality, we bought a new car (it was used and needed) but I didn’t take into account the expense of traveling to the city. That’s like an additional car payment a month. I also didn’t foresee having to find daycare. I didn’t foresee our trusty Hyundai breaking down two weeks before Christmas giving me stress during the holidays, and still now because we haven’t found the extra money to fix it. Now I drive my husband everyday to and from the train station. The one bonus to that is he usually comes home at a decent time but it makes him more stressed because he’s not working as much as he feels is needed. Therefore, having a stressed out husband makes a stressed out wife. And now we are facing Michael losing his job. Things are rough at the company and March 4th could be his last day. This does not come as a surprise to us. We had known for a long time this might be coming. In fact we were originally told it would be early February and for all the time we had to prepare, there were no real preparations. We have lived paycheck to paycheck for so long that there was never a time to save money. And even the times a little got saved; it got taken out for bills. And as I write this I’m thinking, why does this year seem even harder? My conclusion: I’ve gotten really strict about our credit cards this year. For the past two months, I haven’t touched them. I’m really beginning to think I didn’t realize how much I was using them last year to get gas or groceries just to make it to the next paycheck. And now that I stopped that, things are tight. We can manage if things don’t change but if they do…I might explode.

Health…I’m healthy, thankfully. But I got a really busted up knee. The doctors say it’s just a sprain and I wish you could see my face of disbelief. I suppose it’s from the fact that I’ve never really hurt myself before but it’s been 10 days since I hurt my knee and I’m still hobbling around. It’s aggravating to have to move slowly, have my husband help with my socks and shoes and miss my first opportunity to bout. (Not to forget all the practices I’m missing now too.) It’s making me depressed because I still feel like an active person but now I’m couch bound. Then to compound this state of crap, I make it worse by comfort eating. Luckily I don’t put weight on fast and the past few weeks I’m only notice a one pound gain. But if I don’t straighten out my act now, I could face a whole bigger challenge.

And back to money …I thought of another issue. What about all the plans I’ve already made or have begun that might not come to fruitation? I have an Oscar party with friends on the 27th but I can’t really justify going now when my husband could be out of a job five days later but at the same time I don’t want to disappointment my friends. I’ve always used the excuse what’s $20? That isn’t going to make or break our situation right…right? But if I keep doing that, it adds up to serious money. When do I say sorry, change of plans? That’s not me. I don’t like to disappoint and it’s something I want to do. And later this year I had plans for our tax money to pay for my husband’s trip to E3, a weekend getaway with my friend to Wizarding World of Harry Potter and a Sweitzer family vacation. All three might not happen now and I am definitely mourning them today.

Then there are things that just need to get done around my house. Not being able to bend at the knee pretty much makes for a messy house. I feel like my home is in a state of chaos. We moved in 20 months ago and never fixed the rotting wood around a few windows. We never installed our fire/carbon monoxide detector, unpacked most of our boxes, cleaned the mold in the small area in the crawl space, and fixed a few loose shingles on the roof. We have a clothes dryer that stays closed because of a chair. Our furnace should be inspected and cleaned but hasn’t. I have a monster weed garden in the back and front of my house. It’s like having the longest honey-do list ever. Why does next weekend always sound better to do something? Looking at my track record I have many months of next weekends I’ve let be neglected.

I feel like my rant could go on and on. But I’m already wary of posting this. I HATE talking like this. But since I’ve already taken the time to write it, I suppose I’ll publish it. Who knows maybe someone will feel better that they aren’t the only ones dealing with a bit of stress in their lives.

I promise to make the next one light.

Peace out,
Debbie Downer

P.S. I just wanna add…I miss my mommy!