The Full-Time Non-Mom

I had a moment of pure joy the other day when I dropped off Desmond at his daycare. He cried! Yup, my son’s tears made me happy that morning. Does that make me a bad mom? Absolutely not! Hear me out here first. Five times a week my son is at daycare. He loves it! So much so, that he is excited to see his care providers and will happily leave my arms for theirs. So, it was my greatest pleasure that morning when Desmond did not want to go over without a little fuss. He wanted his mommy. And let me tell you, it filled my heart with joy. If I was the type of person that felt comfortable calling in sick when I’m not, I would have. If Desmond wants mommy, then I wanted to give him mommy. But I’m too horrible of a liar and I can’t start a trend of staying with Desmond whenever he gets upset. So I pushed through and went to work. (But I like to think it took him hours to get over it, when actually it was probably more like out of sight, out of mind)

This got me thinking about how much time I get with Desmond. I’m a full-time non-mom. Five times a week another family gets the opportunity to spend the most active and fun time frame of Desmond’s day. I get to pick him up, feed him, bath him, read to him and put him to bed. I do realize that this pretty normal for most families now-a-days. We just are a society that needs a double income to survive, but just because it’s my reality doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my daycare. I think they rock and I am so happy to have found them. (Thanks again cousin for recommending them.) But here’s a little story on the opposite side of the spectrum. Each day I pick up Des I have a habit of throwing up fist up in triumph and loudly saying the word home when we pull into our driveway. Des quickly picked up on this and now we both do this on our daily return home. And guess what that little bugger did a few weeks later. He did our routine when we pulled up to the sitters! “Home” he says…such simple words but a definite heart crusher for me. It’s not bad, I’m glad he thinks of his day care providers as home. They’re a wonderful family. The help raise lots of great kids. Desmond is there all day, and I can see it in his face and physical expressions that he loves them and they love him. It’s just that nobody prepared me to know that my son would love others outside of my family. Seems likes something I would figure out but it’s not. It’s not until someone who isn’t blood tells your son that they love him in front of you that it hits. That you have loveable kid. Other people will love your son. Your son will love someone other than you. Crazy business! So, what does a silly mom like myself do in this situation? I started a new routine for the sitter’s house. There’s nothing like a little jazz fingers and saying “sitters” in a fun voice each morning at 7:00am. He has not picked up on this habit, lol.

Ok, I realize my term Full-Time Non-Mom is a little harsh. I am a mom. I mom with fierceness. So the non-mom doesn’t really apply. So I shall change to my title to Greatest Full-Time Working Mom Ever in the History of Greatest Full-Time Working Moms in the Universe, no make that Galaxy and Beyond!

Love Rekindled

I’m currently in the mist of a passionate love affair with my local library. I’m not kidding. My reading habits have had the ebb and flow of young love. Stronger here and weaker there but currently it’s at an all time high; I just can’t get enough of reading. My least favorite part about this rekindled love is not having someone to share it with. (You crazy non-readers!)

To express how serious this has become, I can tell you that I visit my library’s website on a daily basis, usually more than once per day. I’m consistently on there looking for new books via the recent activity or bestseller sections. I love their website where I can create three different lists of books; For Later, In Progress and Completed. Moving my books from “for later” to “currently in progress” to “completed” tickles my pickle more than I think is normal.

When I get my Entertainment Weekly, it takes all my patience not to flip to the back of the magazine to get to the books section first. I have found so many good suggestions from that magazine. But I with hold and honestly say I save the best part of that magazine for last. (It’s a struggle, really...like my hand is possessed and my mind is just barely controlling the hand’s effort to turn the page.)

My biggest thrill right now, school is back! Ok, why is that exciting? Because it means the library is open on Sundays again after Labor Day! Woot woot! Yup, that’s how excited I am. I actually know the hours of the library by heart. And what’s sadder, sometimes I double check before I go because I want to make sure I’m not mistaken and get there and feel disappointed. That’s winning!

I’ve even looked into their fiction book club and hope to start the next book for next month. I’ve always talked about doing a book club but never do. Well, now is the time to do it. If I can’t find the motivation to read a book I’ve never heard of before now, then it’s not likely to happen. So that’s my new goal; go to the September book club meeting. If I find that I don’t like the books they pick, well, maybe I will just have to start my own.

So, let me end it on a suggestion…the last book I completed and adored was The Last Letter from your Lover by Jojo Moyes. It has a very Madmen feel to it and it’s just a really good love story. Further synopsis is below.

Happy Reading!

The Last Letter from your Lover - It is 1960. When Jennifer Stirling wakes up in the hospital, she can remember nothing-not the tragic car accident that put her there, not her husband, not even who she is. She feels like a stranger in her own life until she stumbles upon an impassioned letter, signed simply “B”, asking her to leave her husband.

Years later, in 2003, a journalist named Ellie discovers the same enigmatic letter in a forgotten file in her newspaper’s archives. She becomes obsessed by the story and hopeful that it can resurrect her faltering career. Perhaps if these lovers had a happy ending she will find one to her own complicated love life, too. Ellie’s search will rewrite history and help her see the truth about her own modern romance.

Shell's Shameful Secrets Part Deux

Welcome back to Shell’s Shameful Secrets! This one is gonna be scandalous…ok, that might be an exaggeration but it’s making me blush and I haven’t even begun writing my shameful secrets yet. I hope you get a laugh out of these.

#1) The Prairie Dog – According to the Urban Dictionary the definition is:
When you have to shit so bad that your terd goes in and out of your ass. Like a prairie dog would in his hole. Side effect: "skid marks" which is the evidence of the PD stain left on the person’s underwear.

Don’t deny it, everyone poops therefore everyone has most likely have done the prairie dog. That’s really not the shameful part. The shameful part for me is the skid mark. I had a lot of underwear with skid marks. I think the fact I am one of those people who can’t poop comfortably in public, led me to have a higher chance of developing a skid mark in my underroos due to having the prairie dog nag me until I get home. Well, when I discovered how unsightly my underwear selection had become and decided I would die of embarrassment if someone ever had to pack an emergency bag for me. I threw them all out and got some new underwear. So the shameful part is over, but I’m sure it’ll just develop again. I really need to learn how to relax those anal muscles in public. Yup, I just went there. How many of you clenched and released? LOL.

#2) Flat Nipples – I have flat nipples. A lovely gene handed down to me from my mother. Having flat nipples is not shameful. It’s just what’s natural for me. What I’m ashamed about is that I didn’t realize that my nipples were the unusual ones amongst woman. I remember for the longest time and I mean a long time, into my twenties where I would watch a movie with a love scene with women’s breast showing and they would have these long pointy bottle like nipples. I would almost get embarrassed for her. Like doesn’t she know she has weird looking nipples? Why would she want her breasts to show in this movie? And what’s worse is that I have taken a ton of health classes and somehow I never picked up on the fact that I was the usual one. It’s outlandish to me that I never realized the truth until I was much too old. But I’m also kind of thankful because I was already nervous the first time I decided to be topless in front of Michael because well, it was a first time and its nerve wrecking. Had I known then that what he’d be seeing wasn’t the normal my shirt would have definitely stayed put for longer. So I bet he’s glad of my ignorance.

That’s it. Did you smile? Got anything shameful to share? I’m sure I’ve got more but that’s what I had cooking on my brain. Till next time…

Thirteen Reasons Why

I have a book recommendation. Not only do I recommend this for parents but for all kids entering middle/high school. It's called Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher.

Here is the book synopsis:

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a mysterious box with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker--his classmate and crush--who committed suicide two weeks earlier. On tape, Hannah explains that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he'll find out how he made the list. Through Hannah and Clay's dual narratives, debut author Jay Asher weaves an intricate and heartrending story of confusion and desperation that will deeply affect teen readers.

This book was really touching, eye opening and just simply real. I remember the days I didn’t want to face my peers because something was deemed embarrassing or perhaps there were whispers going behind my back. It’s a tough time in a young person’s life, which is why I like this book for two main reasons.

My first reason: it subtly teaches you to look for when someone is struggling with depression/suicide. No, this book does not cover them all and because all people are different, these warning signs might not apply to every victim. But for those that do, it can be a real opener as a parent or even a friend. For instance, a change of appearance, personality change and giving up possessions is something I will never forget from this book. Perhaps I will notice these traits from Desmond or his friends and I can do something before it’s too late.

My second reason is that it shows kids they are not alone. I think kids will be able to relate to both Hannah and Clay in these books. They may even recognize themselves in the other 12 main characters. I know that suicide has been high among gay teens and I love the campaign out there “It Gets Better.” But sometimes kids need something now. It’s great to focus that things will get better, but what if those kids have gone to a point that they don’t want to wait for later. I can just see someone relating to Hannah’s pain and feeling not alone anymore.

Now, I’m a liar. I’ve got a third reason. Perhaps you have no worries for your kid. Perhaps they are happy and popular, but what if you found out they were the reason someone was pushed to the edge. I think another good reason for kids to read this book is to see the significance of ones action. I won’t give anything away but one of the reasons was a rumor. Granted starting a rumor seems pretty harmless but what if that rumor had a snow ball effect like it did in this book. (Sorry won’t mention more, pick up the book!) Then perhaps having your child read this book might give them a chance to second think that rumor they want to spread.

And despite knowing the outcome for Hannah, I still found myself hoping it wouldn’t happen. Bravo to the author for making me care so much about this young girl that I still hoped for a different ending. And bravo again to the author for being able to end the story feeling hopeful. So pick it up, read it and share it with your teenagers. It could mean the difference between life and death.