For Her Eyes Only

Seriously boys, if there are boys reading, you can stop right here. This is for her eyes only. Ok, still with me then? Enjoy, if at all possible.

Hello Lady Friends! It’s that time of the month for me, and I know you know what I mean. This particular period has been a doozy. To fully explain how it’s a doozy, I must explain what is normal for me. A typical period (for the past many years) is a light flow ranging from 3-5 days. I’m cramp free and it’s never really much of a hassle. Well, my last period was almost too light. It was two days long and so light that changing my pad wasn’t really required but I did it anyways. In fact, it was so light I took a pregnancy test because it was almost non-existent. Well, if I ever get such a light period again, I will interpret that as a flash flood warning. I’m not kidding. My current period, (are you picturing me now? typing this blog wearing only feminine products, no? Oops, sorry!) , is over runth. For those of you who have had children, it’s like that bleeding you have right after you give birth. Every minute muscle movement in my lower regions releases a bit more evil. Each time I sit down there’s a squish. It was so bad that my pad couldn’t even soak it up fast enough to prevent it from leaking down between my butt checks and staining my underwear and pants. That NEVER happens to me! It’s like an early high school period, which I don’t miss. Well, for those of you, who might be concerned by the sudden change, don’t fret. Today, it’s much more normal. Perhaps my vagina just was in a rush to throw-up everything at once. Ok, still with me?

And here’s one last observation regarding Aunt Flow…and this is directed to mothers. After giving birth, did any of you notice a difference in the gravitational direction of your leakage? Ok, here’s what I mean. Before birth, I was always worried about leaking in the back. Now, after birth the concern is leaking from the front. (This confuses me because that’s defying gravity.) I kid you not, it’s like it creeps forward now. And what’s really disgusting, because of our anatomy, there are deeper crevices to hide. Need I explain more how that can get disgusting? I know from at least one friend that this isn’t just a Michelle phenomenon. (Last nights dinner conversation with my girlfriends was pretty interesting.) Out of the three of us, only one person said this wasn’t an issue. One of the differences between our child birth experiences were that she was the only one that didn’t rip or get cut and had to get stitches. So I’m thinking, did my stitches somehow affect my flow? It sure seems that way.

Happy New Years Ladies! (And Gents if you are still here.)

2011 Book Review

For those who know me well can say they know I love to read. It’s just something I have been fond of since a little girl. I spent many summer mornings riding my bike to the library, playing my one hour of Oregon Trail and finding a good book to read for the rest of my day in air-conditioning. Though I moved on from Goosebumps and R.L. Stine’s older teen novels, I can’t say that I don’t have a certain love for most things supernatural or filled with a bit of mystery.

This is not a full list. I started tracking my reads via my library website mid-June. I put as many pre-June reads on as possible but I’m sure I missed a few. Here is what I was reading this year:

1. Seriously…I’m Kidding by Ellen DeGeneres
2. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
3. The Future of Us by Jay Asher & Carolyn Mackler
4. Bossypants by Tina Fey
5. Delirium by Lauren Oliver
6. Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver
7. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
8. Dracula in Love by Karen Essex
9. The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom
10. The Last Letter from your Lover by Jojo Moyes
11. Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris
12. Lover Unleashed by J.R. Ward
13. Go the Fuck to Sleep by Adam Mansbach
14. One Day by David Nicholls
15. What Happened to Goodbye by Sarah Dressen
16. Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion
17. Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
18. Divergent by Veronica Roth
19. Pray for Silence by Linda Castillo
20. The Passage by Justin Cronin
21. The Snowman by Jo Nesbo
22. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornest’s Nest by Stieg Larsson
23. The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson
24. The Ice Princess by Camilla Lackberg
25. A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
26. The Preacher by Camila Lackberg
27. Labor Day by Joyce Maynard
28. Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson
29. The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides

The bold titles are my recommendations. (Not bad, 14 out of 29 were excellent reads.) But I would like to point out a few of my favorites from this list of 14. You already know that I like them, so below are the book descriptions from my library. (To save you some time from looking it up yourself, you were gonna do that right?)

#1 One Day – “Over twenty years, snapshots of an unlikely relationship are revealed on the same day--July 15th--of each year. Dex Mayhew and Em Morley face squabbles and fights, hopes and missed opportunities, laughter and tears. And as the true meaning of this one crucial day is revealed, they must come to grips with the nature of love and life itself.” (Mad me laugh and cry a lot. But in a very good way, and the banter between Dex and Em is fantastic.)

#2 A Game of Thrones – “A Song of Ice and Fire, Book One: As a whole, this series comprises a genuine masterpiece of modern fantasy, bringing together the best the genre has to offer. Magic, mystery, intrigue, romance, and adventure fill these pages and transport us to a world unlike any we have ever experienced. Already hailed as a classic, George R. R. Martin's stunning series is destined to stand as one of the great achievements of imaginative fiction. In a time long forgotten, a preternatural event threw the seasons off balance. In a land where summers can last decades and winters a lifetime, trouble is brewing. As the cold returns, sinister forces are massing beyond the protective wall of the kingdom of Winterfell. To the south, the king's powers are failing - his most trusted advisor mysteriously dead and enemies emerging from the throne's shadow. At the center of the conflict, the Starks of Winterfell hold the key: a reluctant Lord Eddard is summoned to serve as the king's new Hand, an appointment that threatens to sunder both family and kingdom.” (I admit I put this put down more than once when I tried to get started. So I picked it up on audio book to push through the rough beginning. And I’m very glad I did.)

#3 Warm Bodies – “A zombie who yearns for a better life ends up falling in love with a human, in this original debut novel. R is a zombie. He has no memories, no identity, and no pulse, but he has dreams. He doesn't enjoy killing people; he enjoys riding escalators and listening to Frank Sinatra. He is a little different from his fellow Dead. Not just another zombie novel, this is funny, scary, and deeply moving.” (I honestly picked this book up because I was just intrigued about a zombie who falls in love thinking “how absurd” but it turns out…I really liked it.)

#4 Before I Go to Sleep – “An amnesiac attempts to reconstruct her past by keeping a journal and discovers the dangerous inconsistencies in the stories of her husband and her secret doctor.” (A gem I found from my Entertainment Weekly…thanks EW…it was one I didn’t want to put down.)

#5 Bossypants – “From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon, comedian Tina Fey reveals all, and proves that you're no one until someone calls you bossy.” (I recommend the audio book; Tina Fey reads and delivers her story better than you would read it by yourself. Downfall though, she includes pictures in the book with her stories that I missed. Though the audio book comes with a disc with the pictures, it was something convenient for my drive.)

Don’t let this five recommendations fool you…I truly recommend all the ones in bold. And to give you warning I will share with you my least favorite reads.

#1 Seriously…I’m Kidding - I love Ellen. But Seriously…this book sucked. It had zero to offer. The jokes were lame and I just didn’t like her non-sense. Unlike Tina Fey’s book where I felt I knew about her life and especially a few things about behind the scenes of SNL, this book left you with nothing. It’s awful, sorry Ellen.

#2 The Kitchen House – I’m not worried about you picking up this book because it’s not now or ever will be on anybody’s list of recommendations. I found it because someone had reviewed it recently on my library website and the description sounded like something I would like. What I got was a story that I found dreadful and full of angst without any real sense of relief at the end. Made me feel awful, therefore it is awful. Don’t read!

#3 Dead Reckoning – I’m so sorry to say because I really enjoyed them for awhile but I really don’t like the Sookie Stackhouse series anymore. Don’t’ get me wrong, I still love the first six or so. I just don’t like where these books are headed AND the books are weak. I swear, nothing really happened in this book and I wish I could stop myself from reading. (I know, I’ll still pick up the next one but it’s with gritted teeth.)

So there you go…if you ever read any of these books, let me know. It would tickle my pickle.

Movie Review - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Last night I saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. And now I can finally stop the antsy pantsy dance I’ve been doing since I purchased my tickets a few weeks ago. So what do I think of it??? I loved it. But I’m completely biased. I love Lisbeth Salander. She is my hero. And these books have become my favorite adult series. (HP being my favorite Young Adult Series with Hunger Game following just behind HP.) So I think that TGWTDT could do nothing but win with me.

So the best I can do if point out many highs and a few lows…so here goes.

Best Parts of the Movie (Don’t Worry No Spoilers)


#1 Mara Rooney

#2 Mara Rooney

#3 You guessed it…Mara Rooney.


Mara Rooney is fantastic. I suspected she would do a great job from the trailers but following in the footsteps of her predecessor, Noomi Rapace from the Swedish films, gave her large shoes to fill. In my opinion she tackled the challenge head on and I think she gave a truly stunning performance. It’s hard to say which Lisbeth version I like better. If asked, I’ll give the cop out answer and say “I like them equally.” Seriously, each gave this short waifish woman a “soft” side that could appeal to the masses but give a believability when she strikes like a snake in moments of retaliation. And Mara Rooney’s willingness to get pierced for the film, as well as play out completely horrific scenes in the buff in front an entire film crew, makes me say kudos to you. Bravo!

Now, I know you’ll feeling my new Mara Rooney love but I have to give a few more props. First, Sweden. One of the first things my husband said as we left the theater was how stunning the movie was. It’s true and completely the work of Sweden. Not only was the scenery breathtaking but just watching the cold wintery months made me keep my jacket on at all times. Among many reasons to re-watch the movie, I’m looking forward to being able to appreciate the view even more.

Next, Daniel Craig. I’m not really a fan or non-fan of Daniel Craig. He just is. I can’t really say I’ve seen enough of his movies to even have much of an opinion of him. (Excluding his fantastic body from the Bond films, that’s clearly established.) So, I think I was taken aback by his acting. There were times when he really brought vulnerability to his character. Playing the man at a low point in his career, facing jail time (though the movie doesn’t go there), and being a ladies man all at once, just worked for him. I expected him to kick ass like his Bond films, but he had much more naturalistic persona. All in all, a happy surprise.

Lastly, the sound of the movie. Anyone who’s seen the trailer has heard the eerie wails and heart pounding sound mix by Trent Reznor. That song, for me, would instantly turn my head to the TV when I heard it. It would instantly get my heart racing. The music definitely another perfect “character” in the movie. And I’d like to see the movie again, so I could pay more attention to it without being so distracted to what’s happening. It’s good stuff.

Now, my low points…ok, so first is not really-really a low point. For anyone who has read the books, they say it drags the first half. And I would agree. Stieg Larsson really takes his time to set the scene. So does David Fincher. So I felt the movie had a bit of a slower pace the first half. But that’s not really a bad thing. It’s just the way to slowly reveal pieces of the story and give you information that you as the audience will need to know in the second half when the action is going down. So, be patient. (On a side note: my husband didn’t feel the drag, so maybe you won’t either.)

I’m not sure why but sometimes, things were hard to understand. Not concept wise but literally hard to hear. Either between the accents or distractions, I felt I missed a bit here and there. Nothing detrimental but enough to take note of.

And that’s it. I really liked the movie. The only thing that could have made it better is if I wasn’t sitting next to a confused chatty Cathy, who asked questions at each moment. I seriously wanted to strangle the woman, each time she asked “what does that mean?” Haven’t you ever watched a movie before? They are only revealing a piece of the puzzle at a time, relax. At one point in the movie she was sitting on the tip of her seat, angling her body to the screen in what I only imagined her way of getting closer to the film to better understand it. Her date then began rubbing his rough hand along her back, making the most annoying and loud distraction to my right side. To channel my father-n-law, it was like dynamite to my ears! This couple and the fact I had to sit through a trailer for new Ghost Rider movie with the god awful Nicholas Cage were the absolute worst parts of my movie going experience.

So go out, see this thriller and enjoy. I guarantee you, that if you like this movie. You will love the next ones, granted if they are made, because they focus on Lisbeth.

And to you readers of the books…what did you think of the changes they made? I was ok with them myself.

Embracing My Inner Mitchell



 I’ve got two words for you…Modern Family. If you aren’t watching this show, then you should be. I admit, I was late jumping on the band wagon. It’s not that I wasn’t interested, I had just missed the first few episodes and I’m the kind of person that wants to appreciate everything from start to finish. So I figured, oh well. Not oh well. It delayed my ability to spread the cheer that is Modern Family. Once I love something, I like to spread the word. **coughtwilighthungergamescough** So, this is one chance I’m taking and I’m begging you, please watch this show. You might have seen a clip here or there. You might have noticed that the characters talk to the camera sometimes. You might have noticed a hot wife with an old dude and thought, this show looks funky. But trust me, it works. It just does. I know we all live busy lives. But if you rented the DVD’s, one episode would be approximately 22 minutes of your life. And I promise, it’ll at least make you chuckle if not full out belly laughs. Who wouldn’t want to add 22 minutes of daily fun into your life?

Now, why am I mentioning Modern Family now and never before? Well, because I was called a Mitchell. (Sorry folks this is where only MF watchers will understand. But you can get in the know if you would just watch MF already!) Modern Family has a whole cast of characters and I think we can see a little of ourselves in each character. BUT I’m a little more one than the others and I was surprised to learn it was Mitchell. Though I figured I would land on the Pritchett family side, I always figured it was would be Claire. Mitchell is up tight; he is a worry wart, and mild mannered. (Wait, that kind of sounds like me, hmmmm.) He gets embarrassed by his overly flamboyant partner Cameron. (Michael isn’t necessarily flamboyant but he surely does embarrass me…like the first time he called Desmond “Dorito” at the grocery store. Like I would name my kid Dorito!)

But I realized the more Michael and I watched this show, the more he pointed at me when Mitchell was getting his screen time. To make it more official, I mentioned his comments to two of my friends and both were like “totally.” (Did you just imagine Bill & Ted right now…nope? Nevermind.) How is it that others see yourself so much more clearly? Or perhaps, why do I think I hide my anal tendencies better than I do? And to further prove how correct they are, I randomly took a “Which Modern Family Character Are You” quiz online and it came up as Mitchell. So I guess, it’s official. I’m a Mitchell and Michael is definitely my Cameron…though I think he’s got a ¼ of Phil mixed in.

http://www.buddytv.com/personalityquiz/modern-family-personalityquiz.aspx?quiz=100000036

Which character are you?

Cat Business

(Munky & Bo)

So funny and not so funny story…I have been having troubles with one of my cats. My dear Munkey is using a non-litter box approved spot in my house to relieve himself. It is very frustrating. I believe the trouble started when we had my parents stay over with their dogs. The situation had stressed him out and he felt the need to mark his territory. The problem is, and all cat owners know this, that once it starts it’s hard to stop. Not only is my hair brained cat still a crazed cat from the visit, but nothing we do seems good enough to remove all odor. We have shampooed the carpet more times than I can count.

Some might suggest just getting rid of the cat. But I am attached and so is Desmond. Out of my two cats, Munkey is the one that lets Desmond squish him with hugs. He’s just a good cat for Desmond. (Though my sister-n-law may not agree since he hisses at her but he remembers the things you’ve done to him Jenny.) So I’d like the cat to stay. So, first idea…who has cats and has a remedy they’d like to suggest?

If a working remedy can’t be found then secondly, who knows where to find the best pricing on hardwood floors? I’m so serious about ripping up all my carpet and forcing my husband how to learn to install new floors. If I can’t stop the temptation, then I can remove the temptation from the cat. And it has to happen sooner than later. (Tax season never seemed so far away.)

Because this is where the not so funny but funny story comes in…Munkey not only sprayed the other day, he took a deuce. And guess who found el numero dos? Not me. Desmond did. And how did I know that? Because he walked up to me with a turd in each hand! I was livid. Luckily for me, when I shouted at Des to drop what was in his hands, he listened. The crap was stiff enough that it wasn’t smeared on his hands. (But Gross, don’t touch me kid.)

So my hand is forced. I have to fix this problem or kick out the cat. I can only be thankful that my kid is beyond the stage where everything goes into his mouth. Can you imagine that? Sick! So any cat owners out there reading, what say you?

Flashback of Little Des and the cats...awwww!