Ode to the Bathroom

It’s a running joke in my family that if I’m drinking and go disappearing, go check the bathroom tub. At a family gathering, a long while ago I’ll add, I got drunk. Really drunk. I’m not a sipper. So I find that I go sober to drunk in no time flat; this party was no exception. But this time, I got sick, and to make matters worse, I found the comfort of my parents tub. The only problem, they only had one bathroom and I pretty much barricaded myself in there for a very long time while a party of 30 plus people are left with no relief. So I will never let down the time I got drunk and sick in my parents one bathroom house. I swear, a family function doesn’t pass without some reference to it.

But that’s just a small introduction to my real reason for blogging. Why was I in the tub? For as long as I can remember I have always gone to the shower when I don’t feel well. Got a headache? Take a shower. Got a stomach ache? Take a shower. Backache? Take a shower. You get the picture. Any ailment, I get into tub. For that moment I’m in the shower I feel so much better.

I know the healing power isn’t restricted to the shower, oh no. My proximity to the toilet is also a sweet spot when I’m not feeling well. One minute I’m lying in bed and start feeling like if I don’t get to the toilet right now, my dinner will be on the floor. So I run to the bathroom, and there sits the white porcelain god softly chanting “it’s alright, your fine, no puking required.” And 99% of the time, the toilet is right; just being near the toilet stops my gag reflex. So all that is required of me is to be near my toilet when I’m not feeling well. You know what I mean folks? (This phenomenon also occurs at the doctor’s office. One minute you feel on your death bed and go in. Next minute the doctor is checking you out and you feel 100% better, what is that?)

And what about the other power of the toilet…you know…the one that helps you puke when you know it’ll make you feel better. Regardless if it’s sparkling clean, a long deep whiff of the inside of your toilet never ceases to stop helping when I need that extra edge to purge. (I’m not the only person to use this right?)

What makes you feel better?

Resistance is Futile

My 30th birthday celebration is quickly approaching. Yes, I, the forever young at heart can’t stop myself from aging. I’m ok with that; it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be. But this blog is only slightly about turning 30; it’s more about looking good for this weekend. I like to dress up. I like to feel pretty. So I’ve made arrangements to get my hair and makeup done in honor of my impending night out. And what should happen this week? A big painful zit starting to make its approach to the surface of my skin. You know the place; that spot just below the corner of your mouth. You know the feeling; the little heated red spot that’s super sore to the touch but no amount squeezing gives relief because it just ain’t ready to be popped. I vowed, that I would leave it be. The last thing I wanted was to pop it and have it scabbed over for my makeup appointment. I figure a natural resolution would be best. But as it got bigger and as the red spot turned into a white capped mountain, I found it harder and harder to stick to my resolve. What is it about a zit that attracts your finger? Yes, it’s still there. You can still feel it on your face but yet I find myself checking over and over again. And that only makes it worse by touching it. Before I knew it, I’m talking with my hand partially covering the zit. I go to the bathroom and have to look at it. I have to fully understand at each moment how awful it looks. If I think it’ll make someone sick to look at it. And then there’s that little part of me that just want to squeeze. It’s a mixture of disgust but who am I kidding, a bit of joy. Why do people like to pop zits? I don’t know, but it does feel like you accomplish something when you see that white ooze leak from your face and the blood begins. (Don’t forget about the squirters, so gross and yet kinda funny.) You know what I mean? So, like the title states resistance is futile. I caved, and popped my zit last night. I just couldn’t look at it any longer. Am I crazy or do you folks know what I’m talking about?

2012 - The Year for Getting Things Done

(Cheers to 2012!)

So, it’s a bit past that time of year where I state my New Year’s Resolutions but better a few days late than never, right? The delay of this post was basically because I was a lazy schmuck. I would have ideas for resolutions, think they were awesome but didn’t right them down and when it came time to do it, I wouldn’t remember anything. But now I’ve finally come up with a respectable list. So here is what I plan on getting done this year:

#1 Blog – I really do like blogging. I don’t always get comments, so I’m not even sure how many people actually read it. So, that makes the times that friends or family approach me to talk about it really mean something special to me; I want to expand on that. I want to double my followers this year. I’m at 26, so by December 31st that number needs to at 52 or higher. I’m not a beggar or a pusher, so this will definitely make me think out the box on how to get this done. (And maybe your resolution is to make someone’s day...hint hint…here’s one way, just saying.)

#2 Credit – Oh brother, this could be a doozy but it’s not. Simply, I want to reduce my credit by 10% or more. I have collected all the balances and have a grand total of debt. So it will be easy to calculate how big or small of a dent I make this year. And I will report my percent…as to the amount…I’ll never tell. (It’s a bit shameful but it won’t show up on Shell’s Shameful Secrets Part 3, sorry.)

#3 Family – I have a fantastic family. And yet, our family gatherings are spaced way too far apart. I understand that our jobs and our actual physical distance make it hard to see one another. SO, my resolution is to hang out at least once a month with family. (Talking Sweitzer side here.) Des has some awesome cousins but we hardly see them. Why? No reason. I’m gonna make it a habit to schedule it in. I have a sister who invites me to watch Dexter and make dinner but it’s always “we’ll do that soon.” Why haven’t I found a sitter for Des and gone already? No more excuses. I will make time and I will document it with pictures. (Another thing I’m horrible at lately, I hate taking photos)

#4 Wedding Video – This one is three fold. My friend Nicole got married late July this past year. I recorded her wedding for her and she has politely asked each month if her video is ready. Well, five months later it’s still on my camcorder. First it was laziness, but once I plugged it in and started working on it, I found that format is not compatible with my computer. I can’t burn it. I can’t really do anything with it. So my goal, get what I need to get this done. This will also help with the fact that I have two years of stuff on that camcorder of Desmond…that’s just sitting there useless on the camcorder. I’d like to put whatever I have onto a disc and label it with the approximate years. That way, there’s some order giving me or a much older Desmond the chance to look back at his younger years. And lastly, I like making silly videos. I’m hoping to resurrect having a YouTube channel. I have all these thoughts floating in my head and I’d like to see what I could do with them.

#5 Books – Last year I read 29 books. (That I could remember, probably more.) But only two of these were non-fiction. My goal is to double that amount. 4 books this year will be non-fiction. This should be easy enough and I figure, I’ll be worldlier for it.

#6 Soul Pancake Challenge – If you were to go to my February 2011 blog archives you’d see that I wrote a blog entitle “Soul Pancake Challenge.” (Go ahead, go find it, it’s got some fun stuff.) All the challenges were super easy. But I failed to complete any of them. My goal for 2012 is to get these challenges completed. To put the pressure on…I will complete the first one before the end of this month. (That should get the ball rolling.)

#7 Yard Work – My goal is to get ZERO public notices from the City of Carpentersville about my lawn. Yes, I’m serious; my lawn is that bad sometimes. Here’s a little picture of what my hidden backyard looks like. (If it looks this bad, the front is just marginally better.)

#8 Bedroom – I have lived in a white walled home for 2.5 years. It looks like a rental because it has zero personal items added. (I lie, we started on our living room but it still doesn’t feel warm.) My goal is to complete my bedroom. Paint, furniture, decorations…you know the works! I will post before and after pics. Goodbye living like a college student, hello living like an adult!

That’s it folks. That’s what I really want to do this year. And did you notice nothing about weight? Though I know it will be on my mind throughout the year, I wanted a reprieve from the standard New Years Resolution. So I’m just going to enjoy being me and the fact I’ve got a lot of other things to get done.

Happy Belated New Years! What’s on your resolution list?



2011 - The Year of Fail (or was it?)

Well, I’m overdue to wrap up how I did on my 2011 Resolutions. If you can’t tell from the blog title, I’ll just say it could have been better. So here is my report in short:

#1 Weight – Of course every New Year’s resolution wouldn’t be complete without wanting to lose some weight. My goal was to lose 30lbs. End result: Gain 15 lbs. Oops!

#2 Food – My goal was to cook more often, at least twice a week. And I have to say, I think I can safely say I not only did this goal but have established a new routine. This week alone I cooked three meals and now my husband is cooking tons, so more nights than not are home cooked meals. Winning!

#3 Blog – I wanted to write one blog per week last year for a total of 52. Well, I made it to 43. That’s 82% complete and passing. Score!

#4 Dance Central –The Goal: I want to beat Dance Central before the end of the year. Ha ha ha ha, I think I might have played this game two or three times since I made this goal; Epic failure here.

#5 Running – My goal was to complete a 5k and the Muddy Buddy race. I didn’t even get close. I did pick up running again towards the end of the year but that didn’t stick around long. Fail.

#6 Finances – The goal: Pay off one credit card out of the seven I have. Fail. BUT I will say that we got one card very close to being paid off, it’ll be done in two short months and then we’ll be very close on another card. (Wouldn’t have been able to pay two credit cards off in 2012 if wasn’t for my diligence in 2011.) So I take back that fail. (Also, did you notice my post on facebook about this Christmas being credit free, seriously major improvement for me!)

So that’s how I did on my 2011 resolutions. And though I didn’t succeed in most of them; I’m still proud. Perhaps I would have gained more weight had I not been conscious of it. I know for a fact that my goal to reach 52 blogs dangled the carrot in my face to write something. (And so did my readers that noticed my lack of updates and wondered where I was, thank you!) You can’t win them all, you can only keep trying. Plus what about the things I did in 2011 that weren’t resolutions. I had an adopted solider that I supported with weekly letters and monthly packages for several months. I raised money for the Special Olympics, Huntington’s disease and Breast Cancer. (One of which involved a polar plunge, yikes!)

2011 you were fun…but I’m looking forward to 2012!

Up Next…2012 Resolutions.