30 and Pregnant

 

Well, you’ve probably already figured out I’m pregnant. Either from my last blog post or from the ultrasound video my husband posted from our last ultrasound. I have to say that ultrasound is what jump kicked my excitement about this pregnancy.

Now don’t get me wrong I was trying, but on August 2^nd, my husband lost his job.  I had just come to the conclusion that we would wait trying until he gets himself settled. Well, life had different plans. On August 9^th I found out I was pregnant. Not only was this baby #2 which scares the crap out of me but my husband has no job as of now. Begin mini freak out now.

Once the news started spreading that I was pregnant I would either get one of two things:  #1 “I hope it’s a girl.” (Yes I hope so too, it would please many many people.) And #2 “Aren’t you excited?” I’ve been kinda faking my excitement. Ok, let me explain myself. First babies are magical. You are naïve. But now, I know better. I am super excited to meet my new little one but I dread waking up in the middle of the night. I dread the diaper explosions. I know better now what’s to come AND to top it all off, I have another one I have to care for as well.  I know, I know it all works out. You make it through.  But I know it’ll be tough…tougher I think this time around.

And this pregnancy has already been tougher on me. I like to think it’s different because it’s a girl. BUT what my reasonable mind tells me it’s because I’m haggard. Ok, that’s a bit harsh. I’m older. I’m wiser. My body is more used this time around then when I had Desmond. And if it wasn’t already apparent to me that I am 30 and pregnant, I have this on my ultrasounds to remind me:

 

 Why do I need to see I’m 30y8mo on my ultrasound? Much more appealing to see 11w2d, no? I just wasn’t prepared to see that I’m on the back half of 30. I know, I’m being melodramatic but it one of the few things that bug me is getting older and not feeling older.

Anyways, when I had the 11 week ultrasound it really got me excited. It looked like a baby.  He/she was a crazy mover. I was able to focus on looking forward to feeling the baby in a few weeks. I was able to let go some of the stress I have held onto.  

As for body image issues, they are awful this time around. I’m even more stressed out about my body this time. I gained 55 pounds with Desmond and loved every minute of it. I wouldn’t hear of being called fat. I was pregnant, damn it.  This time, I look fat. Do I look fat? I’m fat. That’s what goes through my head now. So to help, it’s my personal goal to not break the 35 pound mark. (Wish me luck, I do love to eat.)

Anyways, I’m pregnant with #2. And I’m excited and a bit scared. But it’s definitely going to be a fun journey. (And for those waiting to know…sometime early December will be when I find out the sex.)

Adventures in Potty Training

I must be doing something wrong. This past week I read the following quotes which were accompanied by major eye rolls:

"I love changing diapers. I love it. I love every moment of it, it's so beautiful. I love it all!" ~ Beyonce

(Regarding potty training) “Basically, [you have to] take them to the military! I took him to the military! No, it’s really just consistency and love and support and it was just amazing.” ~Alicia Keys~

Who LOVES changing diapers?!? Who calls potty training amazing!?!  Though I agree with Alicia, it is definitely about consistency and it feels amazing when your kid gets those few moments right but overall the experience is a nightmare. Ok, fine, I’ll accept that perhaps my child is more difficult than others. But I can’t imagine I’m the only person to think this a long and tedious stage.

Desmond started potty training two months after his third birthday. The start date was just randomly chosen. It was just decided it was time to do it. The first day, Desmond sat on the potty every 30 minutes; we even let him set the timer. (I swear pushing the buttons on the microwave was a real pleasure for him, who’d thunk?) He was wearing big boy underwear and the 30 minute rule wouldn’t always stop accidents. So we decided to let him go naked from the waist down. It worked. He would definitely know nothing was on him to catch his pee. His success rate increased significantly. After two days of walking in the buff, the boy had it down. We ventured back into big boy underpants. It was a success.

Now…comes the fun part. We noticed a few days in that Desmond hadn’t pooped. Well, I know for a fact he has at least one daily dump at 5:30pm. Almost without fail, he would shit his shorts on the way home from the sitters. I would say it was day four when my son starting begging for a diaper. He knew he had to go but didn’t want to go in his new underwear or the potty. It was so hard for me to deny him but if I did it once, he’d just want to do it again. So I turned to my dear sister who has raised three boys for help. Desmond is now on ½ capful of Miralax every day until he learns to go regularly on the potty.

Well, I believe it was day 5 when the big explosion happened. Desmond could no longer resist the pressure in his intestines and left a wet stinky trail through my kitchen and into my front room before I picked him up and got him into the bathroom. To make matters worse, Desmond flipped out about the mess in his pants before I could get both of his legs through the leg hole. So he kicked his leg so viciously that he became a human poop sprinkler in my bathroom. I kid you not, two weeks later and I’m still finding specs on my wall that I’m cleaning off. Me and my bathroom were a big brown mess. It was one of the grossest things that I’ve ever done as a parent.

Now two weeks later, Desmond is a pee in the potty champ. We use special stickers on a homemade chart after every time he goes. He gets these "deluxe" stickers for going #2. Unfortunately after two weeks he only has 3 "deluxe" stickers. That’s right; my little guy is still holding his turds and fighting using the potty for #2. But I’m being diligent and consistent and it’s working. I give him his Miralax every day and it has made his bowels soft making it more appealing to go. (I mean who wants to poop a rock hard corn-on-the-cob side turd?)

(Des’s ghetto chart…his pee stickers have migrated to the wrong side too.)

And now the joy of having a potty trained child has started. Yes, I love not investing in diapers. But do I love running to the potty in the middle of gymnastics class? Do I enjoy spending my entire time at the library in the bathroom because poop is coming that never comes? Do I love having to dress and redress him every time because he refuses to do his business with clothes on? No not really. But I can say I love being a parent. I love that this will make him an independent kid. I love that he refers to his pee as making apple juice and his poop as snakes.

And for those of you who have made it this far into my blog, I say thank you. And I’ll let you in on a little secret. This here momma can expect to do this training stuff all over again approximately April 2016!  

A Quick Apology

For those who are faithful readers, may have noticed I haven’t been around much. Well, there’s a reason…I’ve been tongue tied. My last entry was May 23^rd which is about 2 weeks before my life was changed this summer. For those who don’t already know, Michael and I had his sister and her family move in with us on June 4^th. (Two Adults, two kids (with another born in July), 3 Dogs and 2 Cats) They were moving up from Florida and need a transitional home for their move. They are still with us.

Now I say tongue tied because I blog about my life. And to much of Michael’s irritation, it’s usually about him and/or us. Well, with a new family living in very small and cramped quarters with me can easily led to many blog topics. But they didn’t choose to marry me. So I kinda feel blocked about the coming and goings about my life; hence the lack of blogs.

Top the tongue tie with my new goodreads.com addiction, where I write reviews of all the books I read, I’ve been getting my writing fix on there. (Seriously if you’re a reader, join it. Love meeting other readers, getting book recommendations and I’ve even won two free books in their giveaways. Go on, join!)

But these are excuses too. There’s plenty in my life that’s happening that I could blog about but I’ve just taken to silence. I apologize. Starting now, I’m gonna set a goal of writing at least one blog every two weeks. I’m setting the bar low because I don’t want to break yet another goal this year. (Seriously, my year end wrap up when I see how many goals I completed the past year is gonna be fugly.)

Here’s a quick look at what I’ve been up too since I stopped blogging:

Went Camping with Friends…

Got Dirty in my first mud run…

 Became a flesh eating unicorn for a day…

Got to be a punch happy Mario…

And got fabulous at the Arlington Million…

Another Round of Random Ramblings

I’ve fallen off the wagon lately. What wagon? Lately, it feels like everything. I have so many goals and so many things on my to do list that I find myself not doing any because I can’t possibly get them all done. So if I can’t do it all, why do any? I know, I know. That’s an awful attitude to have but I can’t shake it. I’m stress eating and my defeated attitude is carried on my face. I swear if my husband states I look tired one more time, I might just completely go hide in a corner somewhere. So one goal I can complete and lift my spirits up is posting a new blog for you all. Thing is…I don’t have enough material on any one thing. I do keep little scraps of paper with random ideas with me at all times and have decided to compile this weird list of things I’ve thought recently. Here goes my verbal diarrhea…

~ I think LOL and j/k are used to lighten the truth. Whenever I see those used I think “they really do dislike my shirt…j/k!” See what I’m saying?

~ I’m always drawn to the book section at Target. I kid you not, I want to write all the books down and put them at hold at the library. I have enough already on my list to read, but I can’t stop myself from shopping at Target; my list will forever be growing.

~ If you pee when I’m around I will for a split second think about the strength of your stream. (Power washers make me chuckle…I’m so immature sometimes.)

~ Things I was into as a kid: The Bermuda Triangle, aliens, haunted anything, Oregon Trail, Goosebumps, Unsolved Mysteries and X-Files. I suppose anything that could be considered spooky, now that I look at this list typed out.

~ I read a story with the most unique punishment I’ve ever read. Not only was it a good way to curse someone but it made me laugh. “I hope you step on Legos forever.” Now that would be awful.

~ I’ve recently become addicted to buzzfeed.com. I kid you not, have time to kill and want to be entertained…then check it out.

~ I love goodreads.com. But like Target, it gives me way too many good book suggestions. But on a bonus side they have book giveaways. I don’t feel complete until I’ve signed up for a least 3 everyday.

~ I want to make a video that appears on Tosh.0.

~ I don’t understand why anybody would love The Wedding Crashers or Old School.

~ I’m ready for a new hair color. Being natural has been great but I’m much too adventurous to stay in the safe zone.

~ When I see an article photo showing “Fattest Cities” and it has someone’s body with the head cut off (or that black bar across their eyes), I think “I wonder if the person in this photo saw and recognized themselves.”

What did I tell ya? Pretty random eh?

But I Don't Feel Old

(Mom and me)

I went on holiday with my mom this past weekend. (I feel very European saying holiday just so you know.) And my mom said something that really resonated with me. She said, “I don’t feel 60.” And I know exactly what she means but in the thirty year old version. Despite evidence that I am aging, I don’t feel aged. I still feel like the little sister in my family. I feel like I’m old enough to have a kid but young enough to be really cool to them. (That’ll fade fast I’m sure.) I sometimes look at my clothing choices now and think “should I be wearing this trend?” I’m telling you that 30 feels different and it’s awkward. You’re not in your teens and can be carefree. You can be irresponsible and you’re expected to make lots of mistakes. And you’re not 20 where you’re expected to be a little wild, enjoying your new freedom from home. But your 30…and to me it’s a weird mix between feeling like I’m 20 but not looking like it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m haggard or anything but I’ve noticed some changes. And each year my definition of “older” is moved up. When I was 20, 30 was old. Now I’m 30 and 40 is the new age I consider distinguished and so on and so on. It’s consistently evolving based on where I am in my stage of life. But despite my youthful approach to living my life, there are a few reminders that make me feel the progress of time….

Things That Make me Feel Old

1.  Finding another grey hair. Finding one could be a fluke, but finding another is confirmation.

2. I once had a dream of being in the army. I believe enlistment is cutoff at 35. Which means one  dream of mine officially dies in 5 years time.

3. I have a permanent crease line on my neck.

4. I’m getting closer to that 35 year mark where pregnancies fall into “higher risk.”

5. When I do jumping jacks I have to squeeze my kegel muscles due to fear of peeing my pants.

6. Each year it appears my pubic region expands. (And I sing to myself while grooming "welcome to the jungle!")

I’m happy to be aging though. (No really, I am.)  There are so many more things to come that I’m looking forward to. Most of which involve Desmond and watching him tackle life.  And the other stuff involve things that I still want to do with my own life and with my husband. So, my motto “you’re only as old as you feel.” And right now, I’m only pushing 25. 

 What makes you feel old? Young?

The Modern Classics Bucket List

So I see today Yahoo! has several lists titled “100 Movies to See Before You Die.” As I skim the different categories; Funniest Movies, All-Time Classics and Modern Classics, I thought “why don’t I try and concur one of these lists?” So I looked at each, listed which movies I hadn’t seen before, counted those up and decided I was going to try conquering…Modern Classics! (For those curious…there were 57 Funniest Movies I hadn’t seen and 74 All-Time Greats).

My goal is to see as many 52 Modern Classic below before the end of the year. And ideally I’d like to have a follow-up blog stating which ones I truly thought belong on the list because as I look it over I have intentionally chosen not to watch some of these, tried watching them and gave up or just plain haven’t’ heard of them before. We’ll see where the adventure takes me. But for now, I’ll begin with Netflix Instant Watch…they have 9 of the movies, so there’s my start.

Take a look below…any on my missing list surprise you? For me, I still can’t believe I’ve never seen Finding Nemo and Thelma & Louise. How’d I miss those?  Have you seen of these and are thinking “she’s crazy, that movie blows!” Or do you see a favorite here? Let me know.

Modern Classics I’m Missing:

1. Goodfellas
2. Thelma & Louise
3. Hard Boiled
4. Malcolm X
5. The Player
6. Raise the Red Lantern
7. Supercop
8. Unforgiven
9. Chungking Express
10. Ed Wood
11. Four Weddings and a Funeral
12. The Shawshank Redemption
13. Red
14. Before Sunrise
15. Living in Oblivion
16. Sense and Sensibility
17. The Usual Suspects
18. Big Night
19. Dead Man
20. Ghost in the Shell
21. Lone Star
22. Secrets & Lies
23. Trainspotting
24. Eve's Bayou
25. L.A. Confidential
26. The Sweet Hereafter
27. The Big Lebowski
28. Fireworks
29. Out of Sight
30. All About my Mother
31. Princess Mononoke
32. Run Lola Run
33. Three Kings
34. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
35. Yi Yi
36. Amelie
37. Donnie Darko
38. In the Mood for Love
39. Mulholland Drive
40. The Pianist
41. Y Tu Mama Tambien
42. City of God
43. Elephant
44. Finding Nemo
45. A History of Violence
46. The Lives of Others
47. 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days
48. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
49. Michael Clayton
50. No Country for Old Men
51. Slumdog Millionaire
52. The Hurt Locker

To see the full list go:

http://movies.yahoo.com/photos/100-movies-to-see-before-you-die-the-modern-classics-slideshow-2087/#crsl=%252Fphotos%252F100-movies-to-see-before-you-die-the-modern-classics-slideshow-2087%252F100-movies-to-see-before-you-die-the-modern-classics-photo-1333492235.html

Diary of a Fat Girl - Let's Get Physical

I think I’ve found the solution to weight loss for me. NO NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS! These past few weeks, I’ve really been kicking butt losing weight. Normally about this time, I’m depressed because I’m nowhere near hitting my resolutions. And it’s a relief not to feel the extra pressure from those failing resolutions. So that’s a small suggestion I give you for next year. If it worked for me, maybe it’ll work for you.

So let’s talk some numbers here. I’m down 18.2 lbs. in 10 weeks. (For those math challenged that’s 1.82 lbs. /week average.) Not too shabby!!!! So how am I reaching this you might ask? Basically, myfitnesspal.com. That’s it. I’m tracking my calories and striving to stay under my caloric goals for each day. And if I go over, I go over. Either way, I’m tracking and keeping an eye on what I’m eating. You’d be amazed what you’ll turn down once you realize how much calories/fat is in something. Knowledge is power folks.

But I’m not completely lethargic. I do have a part-time job that requires me to either roller skate or serve food for several hours. I bought a heart rate monitor to wear while and I usually average burning about 1,800 calories each time I work. So that has definitely helped too.

I’ve also had a weight loss competition going on at work to get me motivated in the first place. I’m a very visual person, so when I saw my name on the company bulletin board, I made it a goal to see me hitting my goals. Not only do I see this, but others will too. It was nice getting congrats throughout the 12 week challenge. And I’m happy to announce that I came in 2nd place. (And I’m $95 richer, yahoo!)

So now, what? Well, I’m glad to see that my company is doing another competition starting April 18th. Despite being on a roll, I still don’t think I’m a fully reformed from my old eating habits. So the extra motivation is great to keep me eating healthy. I know for a fact that I still stress eat. When Desmond was sick last month, it was almost pretty much a free for all. But I didn’t let that week and a half dictate the rest of my year. I stopped the naughty behavior and moved on. And as a dear friend pointed out; I didn’t stress eat completely like I would have. I may have gained two pounds but had I been the old/old Michelle, that would have been ten instead. So not all is fail.

Another thing I have going for me….DIRTY GIRL! On June 30th, me and my teammates are running the Dirty Girl 5k. So, this is actually getting me pumped up to exercise. So I have introduced myself to Jillian. I borrowed a friend’s copy of 30 Day Shred and I’m fitting this into a night routine. I gotta say, it’s a butt kicker thus far. I like that it’s only a 20 minute workout. It’s long enough that I feel the pain the next day but short enough that I don’t really have an excuse not to do the video. Do I really want to work out at 8:30 when Desmond is in bed? No not really. But what would I be doing otherwise…watching TV or reading a book. So that’s my new routine for now.

So in a nutshell, things have just lined up for me. I’m in the zone mentally and since I’m already on the ball, I’m gonna keep it rolling. I’m hoping to get to my goal weight of 190 by the time of Dirty Girl; keep your fingers crossed for me.

And since I had so much fun taking silly photos at lunch…here are the photos that didn’t make top shot..