The Full-Time Non-Mom

I had a moment of pure joy the other day when I dropped off Desmond at his daycare. He cried! Yup, my son’s tears made me happy that morning. Does that make me a bad mom? Absolutely not! Hear me out here first. Five times a week my son is at daycare. He loves it! So much so, that he is excited to see his care providers and will happily leave my arms for theirs. So, it was my greatest pleasure that morning when Desmond did not want to go over without a little fuss. He wanted his mommy. And let me tell you, it filled my heart with joy. If I was the type of person that felt comfortable calling in sick when I’m not, I would have. If Desmond wants mommy, then I wanted to give him mommy. But I’m too horrible of a liar and I can’t start a trend of staying with Desmond whenever he gets upset. So I pushed through and went to work. (But I like to think it took him hours to get over it, when actually it was probably more like out of sight, out of mind)

This got me thinking about how much time I get with Desmond. I’m a full-time non-mom. Five times a week another family gets the opportunity to spend the most active and fun time frame of Desmond’s day. I get to pick him up, feed him, bath him, read to him and put him to bed. I do realize that this pretty normal for most families now-a-days. We just are a society that needs a double income to survive, but just because it’s my reality doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my daycare. I think they rock and I am so happy to have found them. (Thanks again cousin for recommending them.) But here’s a little story on the opposite side of the spectrum. Each day I pick up Des I have a habit of throwing up fist up in triumph and loudly saying the word home when we pull into our driveway. Des quickly picked up on this and now we both do this on our daily return home. And guess what that little bugger did a few weeks later. He did our routine when we pulled up to the sitters! “Home” he says…such simple words but a definite heart crusher for me. It’s not bad, I’m glad he thinks of his day care providers as home. They’re a wonderful family. The help raise lots of great kids. Desmond is there all day, and I can see it in his face and physical expressions that he loves them and they love him. It’s just that nobody prepared me to know that my son would love others outside of my family. Seems likes something I would figure out but it’s not. It’s not until someone who isn’t blood tells your son that they love him in front of you that it hits. That you have loveable kid. Other people will love your son. Your son will love someone other than you. Crazy business! So, what does a silly mom like myself do in this situation? I started a new routine for the sitter’s house. There’s nothing like a little jazz fingers and saying “sitters” in a fun voice each morning at 7:00am. He has not picked up on this habit, lol.

Ok, I realize my term Full-Time Non-Mom is a little harsh. I am a mom. I mom with fierceness. So the non-mom doesn’t really apply. So I shall change to my title to Greatest Full-Time Working Mom Ever in the History of Greatest Full-Time Working Moms in the Universe, no make that Galaxy and Beyond!

Love Rekindled

I’m currently in the mist of a passionate love affair with my local library. I’m not kidding. My reading habits have had the ebb and flow of young love. Stronger here and weaker there but currently it’s at an all time high; I just can’t get enough of reading. My least favorite part about this rekindled love is not having someone to share it with. (You crazy non-readers!)

To express how serious this has become, I can tell you that I visit my library’s website on a daily basis, usually more than once per day. I’m consistently on there looking for new books via the recent activity or bestseller sections. I love their website where I can create three different lists of books; For Later, In Progress and Completed. Moving my books from “for later” to “currently in progress” to “completed” tickles my pickle more than I think is normal.

When I get my Entertainment Weekly, it takes all my patience not to flip to the back of the magazine to get to the books section first. I have found so many good suggestions from that magazine. But I with hold and honestly say I save the best part of that magazine for last. (It’s a struggle, really...like my hand is possessed and my mind is just barely controlling the hand’s effort to turn the page.)

My biggest thrill right now, school is back! Ok, why is that exciting? Because it means the library is open on Sundays again after Labor Day! Woot woot! Yup, that’s how excited I am. I actually know the hours of the library by heart. And what’s sadder, sometimes I double check before I go because I want to make sure I’m not mistaken and get there and feel disappointed. That’s winning!

I’ve even looked into their fiction book club and hope to start the next book for next month. I’ve always talked about doing a book club but never do. Well, now is the time to do it. If I can’t find the motivation to read a book I’ve never heard of before now, then it’s not likely to happen. So that’s my new goal; go to the September book club meeting. If I find that I don’t like the books they pick, well, maybe I will just have to start my own.

So, let me end it on a suggestion…the last book I completed and adored was The Last Letter from your Lover by Jojo Moyes. It has a very Madmen feel to it and it’s just a really good love story. Further synopsis is below.

Happy Reading!

The Last Letter from your Lover - It is 1960. When Jennifer Stirling wakes up in the hospital, she can remember nothing-not the tragic car accident that put her there, not her husband, not even who she is. She feels like a stranger in her own life until she stumbles upon an impassioned letter, signed simply “B”, asking her to leave her husband.

Years later, in 2003, a journalist named Ellie discovers the same enigmatic letter in a forgotten file in her newspaper’s archives. She becomes obsessed by the story and hopeful that it can resurrect her faltering career. Perhaps if these lovers had a happy ending she will find one to her own complicated love life, too. Ellie’s search will rewrite history and help her see the truth about her own modern romance.

Shell's Shameful Secrets Part Deux

Welcome back to Shell’s Shameful Secrets! This one is gonna be scandalous…ok, that might be an exaggeration but it’s making me blush and I haven’t even begun writing my shameful secrets yet. I hope you get a laugh out of these.

#1) The Prairie Dog – According to the Urban Dictionary the definition is:
When you have to shit so bad that your terd goes in and out of your ass. Like a prairie dog would in his hole. Side effect: "skid marks" which is the evidence of the PD stain left on the person’s underwear.

Don’t deny it, everyone poops therefore everyone has most likely have done the prairie dog. That’s really not the shameful part. The shameful part for me is the skid mark. I had a lot of underwear with skid marks. I think the fact I am one of those people who can’t poop comfortably in public, led me to have a higher chance of developing a skid mark in my underroos due to having the prairie dog nag me until I get home. Well, when I discovered how unsightly my underwear selection had become and decided I would die of embarrassment if someone ever had to pack an emergency bag for me. I threw them all out and got some new underwear. So the shameful part is over, but I’m sure it’ll just develop again. I really need to learn how to relax those anal muscles in public. Yup, I just went there. How many of you clenched and released? LOL.

#2) Flat Nipples – I have flat nipples. A lovely gene handed down to me from my mother. Having flat nipples is not shameful. It’s just what’s natural for me. What I’m ashamed about is that I didn’t realize that my nipples were the unusual ones amongst woman. I remember for the longest time and I mean a long time, into my twenties where I would watch a movie with a love scene with women’s breast showing and they would have these long pointy bottle like nipples. I would almost get embarrassed for her. Like doesn’t she know she has weird looking nipples? Why would she want her breasts to show in this movie? And what’s worse is that I have taken a ton of health classes and somehow I never picked up on the fact that I was the usual one. It’s outlandish to me that I never realized the truth until I was much too old. But I’m also kind of thankful because I was already nervous the first time I decided to be topless in front of Michael because well, it was a first time and its nerve wrecking. Had I known then that what he’d be seeing wasn’t the normal my shirt would have definitely stayed put for longer. So I bet he’s glad of my ignorance.

That’s it. Did you smile? Got anything shameful to share? I’m sure I’ve got more but that’s what I had cooking on my brain. Till next time…

Thirteen Reasons Why

I have a book recommendation. Not only do I recommend this for parents but for all kids entering middle/high school. It's called Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher.

Here is the book synopsis:

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a mysterious box with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker--his classmate and crush--who committed suicide two weeks earlier. On tape, Hannah explains that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he'll find out how he made the list. Through Hannah and Clay's dual narratives, debut author Jay Asher weaves an intricate and heartrending story of confusion and desperation that will deeply affect teen readers.

This book was really touching, eye opening and just simply real. I remember the days I didn’t want to face my peers because something was deemed embarrassing or perhaps there were whispers going behind my back. It’s a tough time in a young person’s life, which is why I like this book for two main reasons.

My first reason: it subtly teaches you to look for when someone is struggling with depression/suicide. No, this book does not cover them all and because all people are different, these warning signs might not apply to every victim. But for those that do, it can be a real opener as a parent or even a friend. For instance, a change of appearance, personality change and giving up possessions is something I will never forget from this book. Perhaps I will notice these traits from Desmond or his friends and I can do something before it’s too late.

My second reason is that it shows kids they are not alone. I think kids will be able to relate to both Hannah and Clay in these books. They may even recognize themselves in the other 12 main characters. I know that suicide has been high among gay teens and I love the campaign out there “It Gets Better.” But sometimes kids need something now. It’s great to focus that things will get better, but what if those kids have gone to a point that they don’t want to wait for later. I can just see someone relating to Hannah’s pain and feeling not alone anymore.

Now, I’m a liar. I’ve got a third reason. Perhaps you have no worries for your kid. Perhaps they are happy and popular, but what if you found out they were the reason someone was pushed to the edge. I think another good reason for kids to read this book is to see the significance of ones action. I won’t give anything away but one of the reasons was a rumor. Granted starting a rumor seems pretty harmless but what if that rumor had a snow ball effect like it did in this book. (Sorry won’t mention more, pick up the book!) Then perhaps having your child read this book might give them a chance to second think that rumor they want to spread.

And despite knowing the outcome for Hannah, I still found myself hoping it wouldn’t happen. Bravo to the author for making me care so much about this young girl that I still hoped for a different ending. And bravo again to the author for being able to end the story feeling hopeful. So pick it up, read it and share it with your teenagers. It could mean the difference between life and death.

Getting Back to my Roots

Well folks, I’m getting back to my roots…literally. I have chopped of all my hair into almost a pixie cut and what remains is my au natural ash colored hair. Why would I do this? Well, first I look good with short hair. And secondly, I just got fed up with dying my hair.

I suppose my desire to consolidate my spending this year did contribute. Now that I coupon, that impulsion to save money is driven into me even harder. The need to save money is so strong currently that even the access to a very good and very cheap stylist could not sway my mind. (Side note: Thank you Jenny!)

I have been coloring my hair since 7th grade and I had never looked back. I’ve been blonde, black, all shade of reds and browns and each time I think I’ve found the perfect look. But I’ve always been too whimsical to stay with any one look for long, and now that I’m aging and it has come to my attention that gray hairs aren’t so far in the future, I’ve decided to change.

Michael, my silvering fox, is currently plucking out random gray hair. My other half is starting to get gray hairs!!! That makes me feel so old. And I can’t even properly make fun of him because I can’t really say I don’t have grays because my hair has too much unnatural coloring to tell.

So this weekend, I decided to chop the hair off. It was overly needed. My roots were almost two inches long and the dark red had faded to an orange. I just couldn’t walk around feeling so dishelved, the hair had to go.

And I love it! Takes me two seconds in the morning to do. I’ve got a new fascination with headbands and I’m dying to get some earrings that will actually show. I highly recommend giving short hair a go sometime, it feels so good. I’m overjoyed to report that I have yet to spot any gray. So for now, I will rock my natural ash color and leave the coloring for later.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

That House

(Not my house.)

Yup, I will confess. My house is that house in your neighborhood. I am the proud owner of the shabbiest house on the block. It’s not that the house that is in shambles but the yard. The yard is a disaster zone. When we first moved in, I was so excited about the idea of having a yard. I could have a garden, plant some trees, some bushes and just personalize the crap out of our yard. What I have now, two years after moving in, is my cute little garden, which is hardly recognizable with the weeds overwhelming what has dared to bloom. The grass is hardly cut and dry. And I’m thankful for the dry weather lately because it means the grass has grown slower which really translates to only having gotten one notice from the village to cut our grass instead of the two or three we had at this point last summer. My husband and I just don’t have time to give it the attention it needs and when we do find free time, we just don’t want it to be spent in our yard. I miss having our townhouse for this reason alone sometimes. So for the 5% of the time I feel guilty, I say sorry neighbors.

With that being said I figure you got a clear picture of what my house looks like. (And for another reference see picture above, it’s really not far off the mark.) What baffles me sometimes is my neighbor’s behavior. They have a nice yard. They cut the grass regularly. They refresh the mulch around their trees and they even take the time to water it to keep it looking green. Good job neighbors! But the baffling part is that they leave one lawn-mower length of grass uncut for us. Since the moment we moved in, we noticed they do not cut a strip of grass that is attached to their yard. It is on the outside side of our driveway and it looks like where their yard begins. The driveway seems like a clear border between their yard and mine. So I can only assume that it must fall on our property and they leave it uncut. Fair enough. BUT, they see how we are. We hardly cut our grass. So instead of them having a really nice yard, they have a really nice yard with one ugly strip on the side. I wish I had taken a picture before the last time we cut our yard because it’s comical to see. And it’s really a 10 second clip of grass that needs to be cut. It’s not a big deal. But always, they skip it. Though I realize it’s 100% my responsibility to cut that grass (I assume, where are the property lines when I need them?) I can’t help at be annoyed at my neighbors stubborn behavior. We have no problem mowing it if it really is our small slice of yard but being we aren’t the best landscapers, I would just think they would want to spend an extra 10 seconds to make their lawn look finished.

I realize we’re jerks because of this but you can’t be a saint all the time right?

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Ode to Harry Potter

(Veronica and I at Hogwarts)

I’ve wanted to write a dedication to Harry Potter for some time, but I’ve always refrained because I fear it will be inadequate. Screw inadequacy! I love Harry Potter. Even if I only convey a third of what I love about the series, that’s still a third of love that I put out there and may or may not encourage another reader. (HP fans: You all know that the weapon we have is love!) Though I’ve been successful in the past in getting others to read (cough Twilight cough), I don’t think I’ve done the same for Harry Potter. And that’s a shame because it is definitely my favorite book series. Heck, I’ve even got a quote tattooed on my shoulder and I’ve seriously considered getting more.

So let me start at the beginning…how I got started with Harry Potter. I understand people’s hesitancy to pick up the series. I myself was one of those hesitant people. To this day, I have a harder time picking up a novel that involves witches, wizards, magic or anything of that nature. Plus throw in the aspect that Harry Potter is only 11 in the first book and you’ve got a whole book about a pre-pubescent wizard. Not so exciting. Ohhhhh…but that’s where you and I were wrong. And I can only more forward with my tale by saying one thing first. Thank you. Thank you Veronica for constantly pushing Harry Potter in my face and not giving up until I had finally agreed to give it a try. It has forever changed my life.

Wow, really? Changed my life? And I think I could say honestly yes. First, like I mentioned before, I’ve altered my body to have Harry Potter permanently apart of it. It has cemented a lock tight bond between me and one of my closest friends. It has provided many late night movie excursions. It has given me a new reason to travel to Florida. It has given me something to look forward to sharing with my son. It has brought nothing but joy and I just thank the heavens for giving J.K. Rowling the idea to this story.

So what’s so fabulous? Everything. I mean everything. I took a rode trip this summer with my sister-n-law and we asked ourselves boundless amounts of would you rather questions. We contemplated sex, marry kill scenarios…but the one and only question I can clearly recall is when she asked me about Harry Potter. She started off by saying “What would you change about the Sookie books?” And I had a ton of suggestions. (Am I the only one to hate the most recent book?) Then she moved on…”what would you change about the Black Dagger Brotherhood books?” Again, there were a few things. And then she asked the inevitable, “What would you change about Harry Potter?” And my honest answer was nothing. It is pure perfection. And part of what I like is that it’s not all happy joy lucky. Harry is an orphan and has had a sad lonely life until he goes to Hogwarts. And he doesn’t just lose his parents but there are significant deaths throughout the series that are awful. Of course those deaths upset me. (I wore a black hair band around my wrist for a week in honor of Dumbledore because I read Gary Oldman did the same. Figure he could show tribute I could too. I’m crazy weird, I know.) But if you changed anything about these sad scenarios the books wouldn’t be the same. Harry would be a different person. The outcome could have been different and I love exactly where the book goes.

So what makes it a good book? Here is where things get tough for me. I fear the inadequacy here the most because when I read a book, I feel a book. The way a book leaves me feeling is a huge factor in whether I enjoy it or not. I’ve always been one of those people who puts themselves in other people’s shoes. So as Harry Potter moves through each year of Hogwarts, so do I. I felt the loss of his parents everytime he thought about them. I felt the loss of his godfather. I felt nervous when he asked Cho Chang to the dance. And I definitely felt the horror and shock when Dumbledore was killed. I felt. I felt. I felt. (Not to be confused with Tom Felton.) And I won’t ruin the last movie but I cried, no wait that’s not accurate enough, I was a giant mess of tears (Cry me a River is most accurate) when it is revealed what “I open at the close” means for Harry Potter. That will forever be my favorite part of the last book. And it is the scene I’m most excited to see tonight at midnight. If there is one thing to get right, it’s this scene. (And perhaps one scene with the most excellent Severus Snape….that one should be a gem too.) I suppose it left me with a over whelming feeling of joy, accomplishment and love. Reading these books is satisfying to your soul. Go ahead, feed your soul. Feels real good.

And though it feels like it’s really ending now, it’s not. It’s been over. (Last book came out in 2007) Though I have enjoyed going to see the movies, it has always been about the books for me. So I need to stop tearing up when I see the trailer because I’m not seeing anything surprising. (Yes, that happened last week when I went to see Super 8….which was fantastic by the way). Because though the last book has been written and the last movie will be over, it will forever be a favorite and I am happily awaiting the day that I can experience these books with Desmond. My torch for Harry Potter is still lit and will continue to be.

Gah, I just re-read what I wrote. I sound spastic and unconvincing. So I will end it with this. If you enjoy reading. And you must be a reader, not someone who dabbles once in a while in reading if a fantastic vampire romance novel is out. (Cough Dayna cough) Then I will say, you will enjoy these books. Overlook the book jacket if you normally find books about magic and wizards unappealing because you are going to find that there is so much more within these books. And if you still can’t bring yourself to read them, that’s ok too. But you might want to get checked out by a psychologist because you’re crazy. Guaranteed. But I still like you anyways.

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