Roar of the Tiger

It’s been a rough two weeks. My husband has had some deadlines at work that has required him to work late…very late! I’m talking catching the last train at 12:30am and making it home and in bed around 2am. I’ve had to miss two weeks of practice. I miss it but I’ve also dug the break and spending more time with my son, plus it’s got me thinking…of how much I do.

Now, I’m not looking for praise. (Really Michael, you can relax.) This is about how much I feel I can take on. I stress. I worry. Yet it doesn’t stop me from getting the job done. For example, the other night in a 3 hour time frame, I grocery shopped, dropped off a calendar to my sister (who lives in the Cary area), started a new load of laundry, folded a dry load of laundry, did the dishes, took out the garbage/recycling, had dinner with Desmond and put him to bed. I don’t know about you but I think that’s a shit load of multi-tasking. Plus I could throw in playtime with Desmond because lord knows my kid can’t leave you alone for one chore, so throughout my night I’m entertaining a two year old. When I reflect back on my night, I feel accomplished. I swear I can hear my inner and outer mother ROARRRR!!!! (Also, insert grunt noise from Home Improvement here.) Its nights like this that I feel really good and I just wanted to focus on that feeling. I’ve written before that focusing on the positive is never done enough now-a-days. So here I am, focusing on my positives. (Your yesterday can’t be all bad, what was your favorite part?)

It baffles me that I used to be addicted to television. How did I ever manage before? I swear when I turned our cable off and handed our dvr over, we had 30 plus programs that we recorded and watched. And when I say we, I mean I because I confess, 90% or more of those programs were mine. And though I still enjoy watching TV when I do, it’s not a focus anymore. No wonder I was down the beginning of last year, where was my ROARING? Nothing roar-able about sitting and watching a dozen or so programs a night. Thank god for derby and having a job loss scare that made me turn the cable off, my life feels more free and satisfying because of it.

But I’m not one to sit around. I really do feel like I have a full plate but it doesn’t stop me from having more ambitions. I have a long reading list that I’m actually putting a dent in. I’m participating in the National Novel Writing Month in November. I plan on doing a 5K in September and most recently I’m thinking about organizing a mob flash. That’s right, a flash mob. (If this comes to fruitation I will definitely let you all know.) Yup, I’m not helping my stress but damn it feels good to ROAR!

Getting the Backhand

According to Wikipedia:

A backhanded compliment, also known as a left handed compliment, or asteism is an insult that is disguised as a compliment. Sometimes, a backhanded compliment may be inadvertent. However, the term usually connotes an intent to belittle or condescend.

A backhanded compliment may fool the listener, but the compliment remains "backhanded" because the speaker is being intentionally slighting and insulting. In some cultures, backhanded compliments are considered a genteel or polite way of expressing disdain.

Examples of backhanded compliments include:

"That dress is lovely; it does wonders for your figure."
"You're smarter than you look."
"You drive very well, for a woman."
"Your son is more handsome than I would have expected."

In each instance, there is an initial compliment: praising a piece of clothing, a person's intellect, a person's driving ability, or a person's looks. However, each instance also includes an implied criticism: the person's figure desperately needs improvement; the person appears unintelligent on the surface; women don't drive well, and therefore any skill at driving is noteworthy; the son's parents are unattractive.

I’m no stranger to the backhanded compliment. All of my examples are weight based. I’m sure if I thought long and hard enough I would find more that aren’t, but I suppose it’s the backhanded compliments that hit a sore spot that actually stick out and are easily remembered. Plus it’s the most recent one I received so it’s fresher in my mind. So let’s dive right into my pain. (I’m joking; I have thick skin after all.)

At one our after parties for the Rockford Rage, I was approached by a gentlemen who wanted to give me a “compliment.” I wish I could remember his exact words because my jaw dropped when he said it. The gist of what he wanted to say was I have a lot of energy and he liked it. What came out was that he was so surprised that someone my size would be dancing so much after having just bouted for an hour. He tied in my weight to the compliment. Like someone my size should be lethargic, tired, half-assing it on the dance floor; like I’m some type of miracle worker that I can still walk after having skated for an hour. Seriously?

While I’m on the topic, I remember a time when a man approached me and said “I like my ladies kind of chunky.” Chunky! Really, you want to open up with chunky!?! And another I have received “You’re pretty for a big girl.” Let me give you guys a tip. Whether you’re a chubby chaser or not, I can guarantee a woman does not want to know that you find her attractive despite her size. In fact, you want to hear the best compliment I did get? It was simple and made my night. (Granted it was from an older drunk man who I found kinda repulsive, it was still nice.) He said “You are stunning.” Nothing quite trumps a stunning gentleman. Never be in doubt boys, leave weight out of it.

A friend of mine *cough Ernie cough* is a backhand complimenter by nature. I swear almost everything she says can be twisted into a backhanded compliment. It’s to a point now that I don’t read into the implied because she’s usually not implying. My favorite instance was a photo I found of another roller derby team that was just starting up. One of the girls kinda resembled me and wore a similar outfit that I did. When I asked her if she thought I looked like that, she said “You don’t look that bad.” LOL, meaning I look bad just not as bad as this chick.

I’m not immune to using a backhanded compliment, I don’t think I’ve ever used one intentionally though. It’s usually those slips of the tongue ones, that as soon as I hear it, I’m already correcting myself by saying “What I meant was.” I hate those moments because even if you don’t mean it in that way you can’t help but feel like they think you think that way. Did that make sense? Anywho, the moral of this story…well, there isn’t one. The end.

Shell The Cunning Couponator

If you haven’t heard anything recently about couponing then I’m assuming you live in a cave. I hear non-stop talk about couponing among strangers, co-workers and friends ever since the show Extreme Couponing premiered on TLC. I don’t have cable so I haven’t actually seen the show, but I can imagine exactly what it’s like from the constant chatter I overhear of it. I soon realized how nutty it was getting when on the morning elevator at work, three men were discussing the show. I kid you not, one said “did you see the one where she got like $900 worth of groceries for like $50 bucks!” I suppose it’s foolish of me to think that only woman use coupons but it really was surprising to see three young men discuss the awesomeness of coupons. Overhearing this much about it was like a constant voice saying “hello, get with the program and check this out.”

Luckily for me I have a friend who has recently gotten into couponing and her enthusiasm for the “sport” is what tipped the scales. I could no longer say I didn’t want to teach myself how do it because I had a willing and very able teacher for free. On top of that, could I really say “No, I don’t want to get awesome stuff for free. I’d rather pay, thank you!” Nope, couldn’t do that either. So began my journey into couponing.

My adventure begins with watching an instructional dvd that my friend had purchased online. (Check out supercouponing.com) It’s cheesy but majorly informative. It shows you how you are currently couponing wrong, how to do it right and how to organize yourself to make couponing as fast, easy and simple as possible. It really is a good dvd and I highly recommend you order one. (Or make a date night with me…you can pay me in wine for my time.)

Now, let me ask you this? Do you buy toothpaste? Toothbrushes? Soap? Shampoo/Conditioner? Body Wash? Mouth Wash? Contact Solution? Razors? Deodorant? It’s a very safe bet that you answered yes to almost all of these. What if I told you that you would never have to purchase these things again? Hard to believe? Well, it’s true. If you learn how to super coupon, almost every personal care item you get can be free. Even make-up can be heavily discounted if not free too. You just have to know how to stack your coupons and wait for the right sale. So ask yourself, would you like these items for free? Now that I’ve gotten a few this way, I can honestly say it would be really hard ever going back to paying full price or even the sale price again.

Now, I don’t want to get into specifics. If I were to explain how it all works, it would take many blog entries and to be honest I’m still learning . What I will say is…give it try. Even if you don’t have time to watch that dvd at my house, or you don’t’ have the money to buy it for yourself, there are websites that teach you for free and at whatever time is convenient for you. (Couponmom.com has a series of videos, haven’t watched these to verify if they are good or not.) For those of you who are willing to give it a try and have questions or need help, message me. I’m even apart of a yahoo group that posts good deals and we all help each other out with questions or sometimes we just trade coupons. You can get into that too. The resources are out there to make this super fun and easy to do.

Below is a picture of the very first day I went out. Everything was FREE! I only had to pay tax which only amounts to a couple of cents. Not bad of a scoop when I only had one newspaper to work with. Now-a-days, my gets are much more impressive


(Side note: I'm sending the items I have a stockpile of to my adopted soldier. Just think you could donate your free items to charity or help out your own family.)

A Year of Self Discovery

(My angry duck face inspired by my Snooki hair, no I'm not a Jersey Shore fan.)

In February I wrote a blog titled “Should I Stay or Should I Zombie.” It was about this idea for a zombie story that randomly popped into my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days. It got to a point where I started a scribble page with notes and ideas as they came to me. Not all of those ideas were keepers but I wanted to capture it all. It was the first time I was inspired to write something that wasn’t a blog. It wasn’t my opinion on any subject. It wasn’t a retelling of a funny story. It was an original idea. Something I could create and it seriously made me consider trying to attempt writing a story. Though I always enjoyed the books we read in English classes, the assignments were the part I didn’t enjoy. I never felt like a writer because everything I was asked to write felt forced. So using my past bad experiences with writing overwhelm me, I let the creative feeling pass. The ideas stopped coming but I did hold onto my scribble notes incase inspiration ever strikes again. But what I can’t get out of my mind was the feeling that something exciting was about to happen. One comment on that blog particularly stepped out to me to. Jac wrote “If you write, you are a writer.” This person, who is one of the few followers I don’t actually know, lit a small fire within me. They made me realize that I am a writer. As insignificant I might be right now as a writer, I write therefore I am. It’s just that simple. I’m not writing the next bestseller or news worthy reports but I’m writing for me. Because it feels good.

The biggest change I’ve made to my writing, is writing what I know. I’m not writing an introduction paragraph followed up by facts. I’m not researching topics. I’m not forcing to quote references, focusing on any grammar or worrying how small my vocabulary is. I type as fast as the thoughts and ideas come to me. I highly recommend it; it’s almost therapeutic. Like releasing the pressure in my brain. And now that I’m excited about writing, I’m actually more interested in proper grammar and expanding my vocabulary. I’ve already signed up to receive a Word A Day email from Webster. There’s still time yet to become a word junkie right? As for proper grammar, well I imagine that will always be an issue. I want my words to sound like me. And until I can speak properly, it’ll always be a little off. Plus, it may be because I’m naïve but I like to think that if I wrote something great one day, I’ll just have an amazing editor to put a good polish on my work.

And I have to say, starting this blog has been great. I love running into friends and family who come up to me and actually discuss something I wrote. I can’t help but glow a little bit when a few of my crazy awesome aunts say I have a talent for writing. Though I do believe they are a bit biased because I’m family, they wouldn’t say that if I was god awful either. So I suppose I can say I’m winning! And it never fails to amaze me which blogs get the most feedback. I think to date most of my woman readers responded to the “MILF Me” blog. And that one made me a little proud because my husband wasn’t too crazy about it. But I had the proof right in front of me, I’m not the only one. And that’s one other great thing about writing; you receive support and realize that your never the only one.

So my writing pilot is still lit. And I’ve begun looking into creative writing classes. I mentioned this to my dear old husband and I was actually a little offended at his response. After asking me how much a six week online course at ECC would cost, Michael responded “So it’s basically a $100 journal.” Ok, I will agree he has some merits. I am a beginner writer. Nothing from this class will probably evolve into anything but I suppose my gambling side is coming out because I can’t help but think what if! What if I take this creative writing class and it helps me get my start. I’ve already had more random story ideas pop into my head. What if one assignment blooms a small paragraph about one of those ideas. Then that paragraph grew into two pages, into a full chapter and before you know it, I have a novel. It could happen.

Don’t get my husband wrong, he’s supportive. And he’s smart. We’ve been together a long time and he knows that I get excited and ambitious whenever something new has caught my attention. What he also knows is that my attention can wan when the going gets tough. So I’d like to point out it’s been one year. One year of what? One year of blogging my friends. I have written 50 blogs in the past year. That’s almost an average of one per week. I honestly can’t see it stopping anytime soon either. So Mr. Vicious, time to embrace the new writer in the family.

(The scariest thing for me about this creative writing class is sharing my writing and getting feedback from my fellow students. Because I don’t’ see it like this blog. I’m comfortable with this. It’s like a journal, justing describing how I see my day to day life. What I’m hoping to get out of the class is starting a story that’s completely made up. Little spooky.)

The Everlasting Waistline Battle

I’ve noticed lately that I’ve been avoiding the scale. The weight loss competition is over at my job and I’ve used that as an excuse not to step on the scale. (And to those who might be asking “did you win?” Nope, not even close this time.) I’ve also let my grocery shopping slip through my fingers. I was going every weekend, stocking up for that week while I was in the competition but for the past two months or so, I have been going every two weeks. Which means, I run out of food before the next time I go and what happens then? Well, I pick up convenient fast food. And fast food to me can be like crack. I can always have room for one more french fry.

So, I forced myself on the scale two weeks ago and I’m up a few pounds. Not my ideal situation. And I’m 100% certain it’s do to skipping grocery shopping every week. So to remedy this temporary brain fart to my healthy life routine, here is what I’m going to change:

#1 – Every Sunday, without fail, I will go to the grocery store. Since I live close enough to a 24 hours Woodman’s, there’s really no excuse not to shop. When I feel tired and too lazy to get off the couch on Sunday I will remind myself that not only am I not burning calories as I sit around but I am guaranteeing myself that I will consume many more calories later in the week. Therefore, it is impetrative that either my husband or I will shop every Sunday.

#2 – No fast food drive-thru’s. Nope none! Now, read what I really wrote. No drive thru’s, not no fast food. Sometimes life has you on the run and it just makes life easier to stop. This will do two things for me; first I will rethink if I really need this supposed fast food because if you have any little kids they are not amused about going in and out of the car. It really is only convenient for me if I truly need to stop. Secondly, it will save me money. Every time I avoid going to get fast food and decide to prepare myself a hodge-podge meal from whatever I have at home will save me money, bonus! Plus, I’m sure whatever crap I can put together at home is a little healthier than what I would have picked up. And to anyone who’s ever been on a diet before and have restricted yourself, what is the first thing you want when you say you can’t have it. You want it bad! You want it now! So far, this mentality that I can have fast food, just not drive thru is fooling my brain that I’m not saying no, I’m just saying “walk your fast ass into the restaurant!”

What little tricks do you have about food to keep a slimmer waist?

Second Time Around

(My family)

When my husband and I decided to start a family it felt like the easiest decision. Though I had no idea how we would afford the extra expenses of diapers and formula, nor did I know what daycare arrangement would be made; we just jumped in head first and knew that we would not sink, we’d swim. So three months before our wedding I decided to go off my birth control and we sustained from sex until our wedding night. It was a win-win situation, got me off a long-time run of taking birth control and made our wedding night more exciting. (Seriously, did not want to end up one of those brides too tired to consummate their marriage immediately!) Our wedding night and honeymoon landed at a time in my cycle that conception was impossible. And I swore that I would let things just happen on its own but I was just so ready to be a mom I couldn’t help but track my ovulation days and made sure the deed was done to increase our chances. And I succeeded! One month of trying and I was pregnant. My pregnancy was amazing. I had no issues with morning sickness, no constipation, hardly a lick of heartburn and I just felt really good about myself and starting a family. It was an amazing nine months of my life.

So now, almost two years after my little Desmond was born, I have baby fever. (Thanks a lot Lindsey for all those awesome updates and pregnancy photos!) So I thought the natural step would be to lose the birth control and so it was done. Now, two short weeks into being birth control free and the idea of true unprotected sex almost gives me a panic attack. What was once such an effortless decision suddenly feels like the biggest-life changing-decision of all time.

The second time around feels so much different. I suddenly feel like I could sink. Am I ready to share my love with another child? Could we really afford two children in daycare? Am I ready to commit to sleepless nights and the stress of having a newborn? How will Desmond handle having a sibling? Will I be able to maintain a cool head when I have two kids screaming for my attention? It’s like I’m plagued with what-if’s and how will-I’s.

I have no doubt more children are in my future. I may not have been able to imagine exactly what my career life should have been but I have a crystal clear idea of what my family life looks like. (And it’s a big family.) I think I’m afraid of how another baby would change the dynamic of our current life. It’s not for the bad, it’s just for the different and sometimes something different is scary.

I never would have thought that deciding to have a second child would be scarier than deciding on having the first. And I still haven’t decided if my worries are based on the unknown of adding a second child into our family mix or if it’s based on truly not being ready for the second.

So all second-third-fourth time moms out there…what went t through your mind when you decided (or some might say found out) you were pregnant for the second time?

MILF Me

This is a wee bit of an embarrassing confession for me but I think everyone can relate to wanting to feel desired. Regardless if you consider yourself hot or very plain, we all experience the same emotions. I’d also like to add because he might be wondering…my dear husband does make me feel desirable. But when you love someone you see more than just the outside. I’m talking about at a first look kind of desire.

How many times have you seen a teen-flick with the slow motion entrance of the school hottie? The boy stares and drools. Declares “oh yes, she will be mine.” (Ok, that was a rip from Wayne’s World but the saying fits here anyways). I always thought and hoped I was that moment for some boy in school. I’m not talking to the point of obsession but just enough of a moment that someone stops what they are doing and appreciates the view in front on them.

Ok, now I’m making myself blush. That totally sounded like I think I’m an almighty bombshell. Not what I mean to express, so read between the lines. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl and have lived those moments myself that makes me think boys did that in return. Do you guys? I swear middle school for me was filled with daily slow action films as a cute boy entered the classroom. (Hello, anyone else notice Vince DiMaria in 7th & 8th grade?) Is it so wrong to hope that they did that in return?

Now as an adult I’m not much better. My derby wife currently loves telling the story how I look around when I’m dancing to see who’s watching me. It’s true, I do. I can’t help it. And I swear it’s 100% of the reason I get hit on too. (So single ladies this might be something you want to try.) Think about it. You’re dancing and you look around to see who’s watching. Since you are looking and they are looking, eye contact is made. But have you ever caught someone watching you before? What’s your instinct? You turn away. Then you keep checking to see if they are still looking. It’s like instinctual to keep checking. Hence, lots more eye contact. Which I think puts out a “friendly” vibe to the watcher, therefore results in getting approached by dudes. Not a system I need since I’m not looking (very happily married, you see) but give it a try spinsters.

And what do I strive for now…being a MILF! Thanks a lot American Pie for putting that term in my head. No, I’m not looking to score with a younger man like in the movie. Cougardom is not for me. But again, I want to be a hot mom. Plain and simple. I want Desmond’s friends to think “Damn your dad’s lucky!” And I feel it’s safe to assume that my husband would appreciate having a hot wife. It’s a win-win for me and him. I suppose it’s not such a bad thing to strive for.