Calling Dr. Derby Funk MD

It has been a long and frustrating recovery from my sprained MCL injury. I have been down in the dumps about derby lately. I was overly emotional when I hurt myself four days before my very first bout. I clearly remember waking up the next morning and not being able to leave my bed. My wonderful derby wife even came over around 6:30 in the morning to share some of her prescription strength ibuprofen. I felt like a fool for crying so hard that I had to quickly send her away. I can’t stomach looks of sympathy. Those looks just make me cry harder.

Now I feel like I’m missing my second bout. I had high hopes that on April 2nd I’d be in my first home bout. I even had my family request that night off from work months ago in preparation. The great thing about the Rockford Rage is that if you put in the effort to practice, they will play you. So my guess I would be bouting come April was a pretty safe bet, but my knee just didn’t heal quick enough. So when I got the word I wasn’t skating, I wasn’t surprised. Even though I understand completely why I’m not bouting that still doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed, another chance has slipped through my fingers.

Another piece to my derby funk puzzle is missing the opportunity to skate beside my derby wife, the one and only MariOuchie. We started at the same time and I would say that we had different strengths but overall we were pretty equal in our abilities. After returning from leave I can see how much more she’s learned and improved; I’m a proud derby wife. It’s also clear how much I’ve lost because I’ve digressed. I have trouble keeping up with the pack and really just my overall confidence is gone, but I’m keeping my chin up and I have to believe that we’ll have our day together in a bout. Until then, I’ll be cheering on the sidelines.

What frustrates me most is I can’t decide if I’m truly ready to skate again. I have the doctors note that says I’m cleared for sports activity but it also came with a verbal “do what you feel comfortable with” and on top of that he adds “don’t fall” as I walk out of the office. Are you kidding me? You understand that falling happens A LOT when you play derby right? Now I’m left to decide what I’m comfortable with. I can walk without a limp but only I know that it hurts a little with each step of my left leg. Only I can tell that it feels like I have no padding between my bones and only I can feel the pain when I try to sit back on my heels. Don’t leave it up to me! I want to skate. I want to push myself to get back to where I was before and improve on that. I don’t want to watch practice. I don’t want to take it easy. But what is too much? Is a little pain ok? I don’t like making this call. When did I become Dr. Derby Funk MD?